Wednesday, October 17, 2007

First Sentences, Part 2

Thank you all so much for your suggestions. I've messed around with the first sentence a bit more (though not the rest of the intro), and here's my new first sentence.
A cross-dressing monk, congress with demons, and incest: as critics encounter unsettling elements in a novel and heatedly discuss the book's lewdness and question its fitness for public consumption, curious readers yearn to encounter licentious material for themselves.
I'm afraid it might be a little long for an introduction, but I feel happier with it than any of the other drafts--and thanks, Tim, for "licentious"! Such a great word!

I was worried about parallelism in the series that starts the sentence. Perhaps it's still a problem? I know that the addition of "incest" definitely adds some punch to my claims about unsettling elements and licentious materials--and it's racy. It catches the readers attention.

Additional comments are welcome! I've been struggling with the sentence for weeks now, and your help has assisted in making me feel that it's gotten to a better draft, finally.

1 comment:

Timothy said...

hey, i think that's a nice sentence, and you are welcome for licentious!