As some of you (my faithful readers) might know, I'm a part-time student and full-time university employee. Occasionally this causes some conflicts, such as when I don't finish all my homework and have to furtively read at work, or if I'm caught editing a paper when I have some down time. Part of my problem is that I don't see my current employment as my real job--I still consider myself a student first. The 40 hours a week I put in at the office are just what I need to do to pay for school and to eat.
Occasionally, I get tired of working the holding-pattern job and wish I could dive into PhD school. I think this feeling is especially acute when I'm either really busy from my classes and also when I'm not in class (no academia to distract me from working). I like my current employment. My co-workers are nice, the job itself has its challenges, and I get paid enough to live comfortably and go to Spain in December. So, really, it's not a bad deal at all.
But then I'm struck with the yearning to be able to dedicate all of my time and energy to being a graduate student. Even if I were to teach classes to pay for my student life style, I think I would still be more content. (Especially if I didn't have to take out loans or work another job). I love school, I love going to class, I get excited when I get to read neat stuff and find something interesting to say about it, and I love rubbing elbows with other students and professors. It's a satisfying state of existence. It's why I miss my undergraduate days.
So I tell myself that I'm lucky to have found a good job. And I also remind myself that I won't have terribly much longer (in the grand scheme of things) to work here until I can move somewhere new for PhD school. Sometimes, I just wish that day were coming much sooner.