As some of you (my faithful readers) might know, I'm a part-time student and full-time university employee. Occasionally this causes some conflicts, such as when I don't finish all my homework and have to furtively read at work, or if I'm caught editing a paper when I have some down time. Part of my problem is that I don't see my current employment as my real job--I still consider myself a student first. The 40 hours a week I put in at the office are just what I need to do to pay for school and to eat.
Occasionally, I get tired of working the holding-pattern job and wish I could dive into PhD school. I think this feeling is especially acute when I'm either really busy from my classes and also when I'm not in class (no academia to distract me from working). I like my current employment. My co-workers are nice, the job itself has its challenges, and I get paid enough to live comfortably and go to Spain in December. So, really, it's not a bad deal at all.
But then I'm struck with the yearning to be able to dedicate all of my time and energy to being a graduate student. Even if I were to teach classes to pay for my student life style, I think I would still be more content. (Especially if I didn't have to take out loans or work another job). I love school, I love going to class, I get excited when I get to read neat stuff and find something interesting to say about it, and I love rubbing elbows with other students and professors. It's a satisfying state of existence. It's why I miss my undergraduate days.
So I tell myself that I'm lucky to have found a good job. And I also remind myself that I won't have terribly much longer (in the grand scheme of things) to work here until I can move somewhere new for PhD school. Sometimes, I just wish that day were coming much sooner.
6 comments:
I don't like limbo, either. I want to be on the way to where I want to go. So I tell myself that Starbucks is a career for me, whether it turns out to be or not.
I read the first paragraph and got all worried that my work ethic post caused you guilt over doing homework at work. I completely understand what you are saying. I have had some wonderful opportunities at my current position, and I have learned more than I could have imagined about how an institution and faculty work funding-wise. Sadly, the most important thing I've learned is that I never want to work in a Sponsored Programs or Sponsored Research office again. That type of stress just does not mesh with my work style. Now I feel that I'm in a bit of a rut. I've learned most of the general information that will benefit anyone in higher education, and now I can plow forward and really learn the Sponsored Programs intensive stuff or treat it like a part time filler job.
At least you're saving money right now while you're working. So that's always a good thing. And all of the time you're spending at an 8-5 job will make you appreciate your full-time student life once you're working on your Ph.D. It'll work out. And no, you don't have much longer to go. I'm excited for you and hope you get into a good program. Hopefully it'll be at an exciting location so I can come visit.
there's nothing wrong with the fact that you don't see your current job as your real job. It's not the job you're going to school for-of course you think that way. I think I'd view myself as a student first too. It will all be worth it in the end.
Haha, you're looking forward to your REAL job, and I'm looking forward to REAL money. We should switch. *grins*
While the holding pattern job may be a drag at times, it's just a brief but necessary stop to where you want to go. I know that doesn't make it any easier while you're in the middle of it, but think of how the sacrifice now is helping you for the future.
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