Saturday, March 24, 2007

Grad Blues

I chose to turn down an assistantship to the university I currently attend and opted instead to work full-time (for the university) and take advantage of the tuition discount. My reasoning was that I'd be able to clear out my debt (something I've almost accomplished) and save money for when I go to PhD school. It was a good plan, and I still think it's the right one.

However, the next group of my friends are starting to get their acceptance letters and offers of assistantship from various universities. Here I feel the pang--again--that I'm not a full-time student and am not on assistantship. I'm not a part of the English MA student community here because while I have classes with some very nice people that I talk to on a semi-regular basis, I don't share an office with them, I don't see them everyday, and I don't have the same problems as they do. I'm not teaching, and I miss that. I'm not in school full time, and I miss that too.

While I still feel like I'm on the right path, I'm starting to wonder if I maybe should have just taken the risk and jumped into the assistantship, even if it meant putting me further into debt instead of allowing me to extract myself. I'm still not sure. I think it may have been a situation of my being happier for present, but ultimately more miserable in the future, as I faced insurmountable challenges...

Basically, I'm jealous of all my friends who are getting to take the path I chose not to take. It's as simple as that.


g-girl said... can live vicariously through the friends who have accepted assistantships and when they have their bad days, you can @ least for a moment be glad that you took the path you had already set out to take.

Kathryn said...

Well you know what they say..."the grass is always greener..."

I'm sure that there are full time grad students out there that envy your position of being able to work full time at a university while getting a tuition discount and being able to work on your graduate degree at the same time. Sure, it's a little bit frustrating because it will take longer to finish your masters degree and you don't get to share office space and be immersed in the "graduate experience," but...oh well. You're saving money, paying off debt, gaining work experience, nurturing your crafting interests, and still working toward a graduate degree. Sounds like a pretty good situation to me. You have to follow your own path and make decisions that are right for you. :)