Friday, December 14, 2007

Enemy Fire

When someone gets it into her head to be openly hostile and mean, there's not much you can do except avoid them. When you live with that person, however, it makes avoiding significantly more difficult. I've been trying to keep my head low, counting the days down eagerly, and avoiding her, but the hostility is just too much for me; I broke down last night and fled to a friend's apartment.

All of this merely affirms that I'm making the right decision, but it's hard to watch a friendship disintegrate. Perhaps I didn't handle things very well, but I'm not sure it warrants this sort of treatment of my person. I'm so tempted to retaliate (i.e. cutting of the utilities early, etc), but I'm trying hard to come out of the situation cleanly and honorably.

I want to think of myself as an assertive person, but when it comes to hostility, I shrink down into a little ball--unless I have reason to feel righteous fury. Even then, my impulse is still to flee. I don't like nasty confrontation, but I will do it if forced.

Anyway, this nastiness will soon be over. I hope to leave behind an olive branch if she cares to take it up, though I'm not holding my breath. I just want to be in a comfortable, stable environment--something I haven't had for at least a few months.

Oh! And there are still 2 slots on the pay-it-forward exchange. If you're already participating and paying-it-forward elsewhere, I think you won't necessarily have to pay it forward an extra three times, if you want me to make you something...


the secret knitter said...

I'll throw my hat in the ring, if you'll accept it. If not, that's cool too. :)

Justin Ray said...

I don't want a present because I don't want to be obligated to make presents for anyone else. I don't make much outside of what I make in the bathroom, and I don't think you want any of those for Christmas. ;)

Anyhoo, I think you are a graceful person when it comes to these types of circumstances. I am always torn between wanting to keep things as civil as possible and teaching the bad guy a lesson. It is hard for me to let things go before I express my side, and I can't stand the possibility of a conflict situation ending without the opportunity to get it out there. That way, the other knows he isn't the only one who feels like he has been the object of aggression.

But I usually chicken out. If I do get around to making my arguments in a last shining moment of self-defense, I usually say the wrong thing. If I wait and brood until the opportunity has passed, things are generally better off...except for the lost confrontation story I could idealize and tell to people later. But I think we call that drama. :)