mindful parent

 Mindfulness has been on my mind for a while now, especially since I realized how much nicer a human I was to my family once I went on sabbatical and more more mental space/energy to reflect before I reacted. I also realized the value of separating action from reaction, in the sense you choose the first and you let the second happen. This managing reaction piece is very much part of mindfulness practices.

Before the holidays, I dove more into these ideas. I learned about Dan Harris (from Ten Percent Happier) from the anti-diet dietician I follow, Christy Harrison. Harrison was pairing up with Harris to make a series of meditations for an Anti-Diet Challenge in December, so I listed to the Ten Percent Happier podcast where Harris interviewed Harrison. I liked his podcast, so I read his book, which is part memoir, part introduction to meditation. And then after reading his book, I decided to commit to exploring meditation beyond the sleep wind-down meditations on Headspace I was using to help me fall asleep (which, were pretty effective until they weren't).

All this led to me starting off the new year committing to meditating a little every day and doing yoga (which I talked about in a previous post). But one of the outcomes so far has been on my parenting--specifically bolstered by another podcast, Childproof with Yasmeen Khan, which directly connecting parenting and mindfulness. One of the first episodes talks about the idea of observing our mindsets in certain moments, and accepting those feelings (and thus choosing how to act versus reacting out of those feelings and then feeling terrible as a parent and human because you then screamed at your children). 

I'm only two episodes in, but I think I'm going to really like this podcast. For one, it's not really focused on "how to parent" but more about sharing that if you have certain feelings/reactions, you're not the only one. But there is useful information in terms of how to reframe those things--it's about supporting parents. And the reporting is great, and Khan is using all her research and reporting skills to good effect, so the episodes are engaging and enjoyable to listen to.

I was thinking about that idea of mindsets this morning, and one thing meditation is helping me see is what is happening around me and in my head that usually makes me lose my temper. A big one? Chaos. Parenting is big-time chaos, and that's ok--I am learning to accept that--but also recognize that it's ok that I don't like having too many things happening at once. So what can I do? Take a breath and try to find a way to remove some of the things competing for my attention. A big one is in the kitchen when I'm cooking, so it's either finding something for the kids to do, involving them in the cooking, or accepting that I might have to do things a little more slowly. Or (especially if it involves hot things, like dealing with the oven), I get L to grab a kid to keep them safe and lower my anxiety. So far, this observation of my mindset has been enormously helpful in allowing me to choose my action instead of just snapping.

But, sometimes you yell as a parent, or snap in frustration. And so the other thing I do is apologize for yelling (growing up, an adult NEVER apologized to me, and I think it would have been great if they had when they were wrong), and then I talk to my older kiddo about what I was feeling. I don't want him to have to take ownership of that, but I can help him see how his actions might affect me. Or I can talk through how I'll try to act in the future, modeling making mistakes and trying again. These conversations seem to have a good impact on him. And when he does something, instead of yelling at him, I have him pause, talk about what he's feeling, and then sometimes practice an alternative (so we get a bit of playacting in), and that also seems to help.

These are things I'm trying. I'm not always good at doing them, but I can see how mindfulness and meditation are helping me feel calmer and more centered, which then helps the kids feel calmer, which helps me feel calmer...and so on. I feel great because I don't feel angry/frustrated nearly as often, and I have a good impact on the lives of the people closest to me.

The challenge will be next year, when I return to "normal" work and all the competing demands. I'm hoping to continue to make space for these kinds of practices and use them to have healthier interactions with my colleagues and students, even amidst a lot of stress. It'll be a challenge, but I hope the skills I'm building this year will carry me through.

waitlisted

 I'm waitlisted for a metalsmithing/jewelry making class that I reaaalllllyyy want to take--and really, this semester is likely the only time I can take it because it requires a lot of lab time to make the items, and during a normal semester, I've got way too much on my plate (particularly if I keep some of my current things going).

The professor emailed all of the waitlisted students, and it felt super weird to be like "hey, I'm a faculty member on this list, I hope I get in!" but I totally emailed that. But it's like the professor can actually change the waitlist, and I know the classroom is likely limited in terms of work stations, etc, so there's no way she can bump me into the class. But I had a student who very eagerly showed up the first week of my editing class, so I did bump her in because she made the effort (and I think some other students dropped), so maybe it'll have a little impact.

Mostly, I'm eager to jump into learning something new and also observing teaching in another discipline. I've grown more and more curious about how each discipline thinks/practices teaching, and I'm also curious to see if I can learn something that I can take away for my own classes. Or maybe just get to know an art professor a bit and learn other things too. Anyway, fingers crossed that future posts will be me showing off what I'm learning!

mindfully entering the new year

 Hey, it's 2022! Unlike most everyone else in higher ed, I'm feeling all right, mostly because I continue to be on sabbatical, where I'm doing work I enjoy. I'm holding onto that as long as I can.

As I mentioned in a past post, one of the personal/professional outcomes so far from my sabbatical has been increased mindfulness. I'm less stressed and therefore less reactive. I took the time to reflect on the experiences of the past two years and tried to learn and grow from them. I understand now the ways that I need to think less about reacting to situations that trigger strong emotional responses and instead creating space to respond/act thoughtfully and, well, mindfully.

With this in mind, I have been thinking about trying to create a better meditation/yoga practice. Our university gave us a subscription to Headspace, so I have tools to learn more about meditation and to do guided meditation. Along with that, I love doing yoga--but I often don't make the time. In the past, my motivation to do yoga was more about the physical asana rather than the mindfulness component, but now, it's a mixture of both, perhaps equally both. I signed up for the YWA Move January yoga challenge (challenge? program?) in an effort to spend a bit of time on the mat.

These are sort of resolutions, but not really--I think I'm just using the start of the year to motivate me to commit to mindfulness practices that I've been thinking about for a while now. And I like that I am not going into these practices with any expectation for changing my physical body (except for maybe just overall attention to mobility, which is great given how much I'm sitting). Overall, these feels like a balanced, anti-diet approach to using New Years to make a change. It's a small change. It's an extension of work I'm already doing. And it's motivated by bigger things--the knowledge that these skills will hopefully help me transition back to the "normal" academic work environment in a way that helps me maintain my energy and take care of myself.

This transition from sabbatical back to the typical academic year is something I'll be ruminating on the next few months. It's a long way off (August!), but I know it'll be here quickly. And it's something I want to be able to engage with intentionally and in a way that allows me to carry what I learned into potentially challenging and tense work environments, hopefully in a way that also supports my colleagues and friends. I don't want to just fall back into the miserable Jenn I was at the end of the spring 2021 semester, so I'll be making efforts to avoid doing just that.