I ended the barre3 spring challenge in a bit more lamely than I'd hoped--I slipped out of my good nutrition habits, which definitely impaired the initial gains I'd made. HOWEVER, the challenge was, ultimately a success. I gave up coffee--and learned that it was inhibiting my sleep. I gained strength (and worked out a lot). And, best of all, I learned more about how I ought to approach things and gained some new friends in studio and online. It was fantastic.
In fact, I'm now working for the local studio, so I'm there more than ever, and I'm loving it. It's wonderful to be able to take on a new role in an organization that I'm such a huge fan of, supporting friends.
But really, while this post begins with a nod toward the physical/health challenge I took on this past month, I want to talk about a larger, more pressing challenge: dissertation (and publication).
I have begun writing my dissertation, continuing to gather data. (I began transcribing today, and though I know it'll get easier, it was TORTURE. But then again, as I'm transcribing, I'm thinking about the data with fresh eyes, so that's kind of cool). Today I transcribed. Yesterday I wrote several pages and outlined several chapters, getting some good feedback from my adviser. Tomorrow will be more writing and transcribing, meeting up with a fellow dissertator (we are egging each other on this summer to WRITE).
I also joined up with an online group, and have pledged to submit some job materials (the other major summer writing challenge) by the middle of the month. Much work to be done, indeed!
Despite the large amount of challenges on my plate, I am finding a rhythm of work and writing and play, a balance between writing and working to earn money, between working (generally) and taking care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. It turns out that when I'm making progress on my work, I'm not berating myself for lazing around my house all day.
I'm hoping to break the cycle of summer lazies, where summer flows by in one undifferentiated mass, a summer that before I know it is gone, and I'm faced with the inevitable pressures the fall will bring. This year, a new one will loom large: the job search. It is my hope to tackle it with my best energy and to emerge triumphant, job in hand by graduation in May, not to mention a dissertation defended and articles submitted and published. These are my goals, and they are steps toward the scholarly life that I'm finally learning how to fully embrace.
Wednesday, June 04, 2014
Monday, April 28, 2014
spring challenge
As readers of this blog know, I'm always a sucker for a challenge. I like the idea of setting forth to accomplish something--probably why I love running so much!--and seeing where it takes me, even if I fail to fully meet my goals. So when barre3 announced their spring challenge, I was interested. But I wasn't immediately on board.
You see, I am fond of challenges where I strive to eat a bit better and work out a bit more, but I'm reluctant to commit to giving up my coffee and my wine. And since this one requires the purchase of the kit, my internal penny pincher was at war with my eagerness to dive in. I waffled for a bit and actually decided not to--until several folks on Instagram and in studio started talking about it. Then I got excited.
Mostly.
I am committing to giving up coffee and alcohol (mostly because I'm curious on how it'll affect my sleep and energy, and thereby productivity), which doesn't excite me especially since the challenge ends AFTER a wedding and a fun cabin weekend. But I know I don't need to drink to have fun with people, and I've been getting vicious hangovers after small amounts of alcohol. The coffee...well, we'll see how I do without the coffee. This week, I'm trying to cut down to a 1/2 cup and then drink tea, and this weekend, I'm going without it completely and switching to black or green tea. So I'll still have some caffeine...but no coffee.
Anyway, so starting May 5th, I'll be challenging. And if you see me saying no to coffee and wine, don't ask me if I'm pregnant (I'm not), just nod and smile and think that maybe I'm a bit out of my mind for beginning the post-spring semester period without drinking. And maybe I am--but, as I'll discuss later, my goals for this challenge are a little different from the typical reasons one might tackle a challenge like this, and I hope the focus needed to maintain this challenge will carry over into focus in other places, like dissertation writing and sleeping well.
You see, I am fond of challenges where I strive to eat a bit better and work out a bit more, but I'm reluctant to commit to giving up my coffee and my wine. And since this one requires the purchase of the kit, my internal penny pincher was at war with my eagerness to dive in. I waffled for a bit and actually decided not to--until several folks on Instagram and in studio started talking about it. Then I got excited.
Mostly.
I am committing to giving up coffee and alcohol (mostly because I'm curious on how it'll affect my sleep and energy, and thereby productivity), which doesn't excite me especially since the challenge ends AFTER a wedding and a fun cabin weekend. But I know I don't need to drink to have fun with people, and I've been getting vicious hangovers after small amounts of alcohol. The coffee...well, we'll see how I do without the coffee. This week, I'm trying to cut down to a 1/2 cup and then drink tea, and this weekend, I'm going without it completely and switching to black or green tea. So I'll still have some caffeine...but no coffee.
Anyway, so starting May 5th, I'll be challenging. And if you see me saying no to coffee and wine, don't ask me if I'm pregnant (I'm not), just nod and smile and think that maybe I'm a bit out of my mind for beginning the post-spring semester period without drinking. And maybe I am--but, as I'll discuss later, my goals for this challenge are a little different from the typical reasons one might tackle a challenge like this, and I hope the focus needed to maintain this challenge will carry over into focus in other places, like dissertation writing and sleeping well.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
the friend-bully
When I was 15 or 16, I received a phone call. When my mom handed me the phone, I assumed it'd be a friend wanting to make plans; what happened next would leave me without a voice. On the other end was J, a classmate and so-called friend, and she had called on behest of my supposed best friend R (or so J claimed) to basically tell me everything wrong with me. The subtext, of course, is that with so many egregious faults, who would want to be my friend?
Had I been older, I would have interrupted when the onslaught began and hung up on the bitch. Instead, I sat in passive silence, tears running down my face, listening, accepting the litany of my faults. Part of me wanted to hear all the things I feared were true; part of me just couldn't stop listening despite the pain. Here was a person I thought was my best friend in the entire world, a girl whom I'd shared all my secrets, and whom I loved, speaking through this horrible person. When I finally did hang up--or did my mother see my tears and tell me to hang up? I can't remember--my mom was furious and I was heartbroken. After that day, R was no longer my best friend, and I was left bereft.
***************
I'd forgotten about that painful occurrence until recently, when R posted something about the bullying she'd endured in high school. While I knew she had been mocked and bullied--in fact, I was one of the few people who stood by her and tried to defend her as best I could in my shy, quiet way as she spun what I would come to realize were likely elaborate fictions--all that kept running through my head was well, yes...but weren't you also a bully to me? The cruelty of adolescence is that nearly everyone has someone weaker than themselves to bully, and it turned out that even a supposed-best-friend can become a bully when her friend is socially awkward, shy, and sheltered. I was, in other words, a fairly easy target for such cruelty, especially with the encouragement of someone who cared nothing for me.
I'd later learn that this same best-friend had revealed my secrets. Thanks to the honesty of my brother, I discovered that she had divulged all kinds of private information: boys I liked, the fact that she wanted me to try out for cheerleading in order to make fun of me, and who knows what else. For the painfully shy girl I was then, this was untenable, though I was lucky to discover it after our best-friendship had crumbled into a friendly school companionship after I wordlessly forgave The Incident. By then I had her full measure and knew better than to trust her beyond silly confidences.
********************
Here I am, however, 15 years later, and I am actually glad that I realized that bullies in best-friend disguise are exactly the wrong kind of friends to have. Since then, I had a few friend-bullies that I learned to stand up to or pushed out of my life (or at least toward the periphery), and now my best friends are close as sisters (or brothers!). They'd no sooner bully me or hurt me than they would their own family, and I trust them completely. They might poke fun at me, but then know when to stop before it ventures into cruelty. It was through betrayal and pain that I came to learn what true friendship should and could be, and formed a close-knit group of friends instead of isolating myself as I could have so easily done. It helped to go to college, where I was in constant contact with individuals who had similar interests to me, and it also helped that I grew up and grew out of my shyness and gained confidence and independence.
So in a weird way, thanks R for teaching me the nature of true friendship. While I'm sad to hear about how the echoes of that high school pain have reverberated through to your present, I hope you can also see that bullying comes in all shapes and sizes--but that it can also be fuel for growth and positive change.
Had I been older, I would have interrupted when the onslaught began and hung up on the bitch. Instead, I sat in passive silence, tears running down my face, listening, accepting the litany of my faults. Part of me wanted to hear all the things I feared were true; part of me just couldn't stop listening despite the pain. Here was a person I thought was my best friend in the entire world, a girl whom I'd shared all my secrets, and whom I loved, speaking through this horrible person. When I finally did hang up--or did my mother see my tears and tell me to hang up? I can't remember--my mom was furious and I was heartbroken. After that day, R was no longer my best friend, and I was left bereft.
***************
I'd forgotten about that painful occurrence until recently, when R posted something about the bullying she'd endured in high school. While I knew she had been mocked and bullied--in fact, I was one of the few people who stood by her and tried to defend her as best I could in my shy, quiet way as she spun what I would come to realize were likely elaborate fictions--all that kept running through my head was well, yes...but weren't you also a bully to me? The cruelty of adolescence is that nearly everyone has someone weaker than themselves to bully, and it turned out that even a supposed-best-friend can become a bully when her friend is socially awkward, shy, and sheltered. I was, in other words, a fairly easy target for such cruelty, especially with the encouragement of someone who cared nothing for me.
I'd later learn that this same best-friend had revealed my secrets. Thanks to the honesty of my brother, I discovered that she had divulged all kinds of private information: boys I liked, the fact that she wanted me to try out for cheerleading in order to make fun of me, and who knows what else. For the painfully shy girl I was then, this was untenable, though I was lucky to discover it after our best-friendship had crumbled into a friendly school companionship after I wordlessly forgave The Incident. By then I had her full measure and knew better than to trust her beyond silly confidences.
********************
Here I am, however, 15 years later, and I am actually glad that I realized that bullies in best-friend disguise are exactly the wrong kind of friends to have. Since then, I had a few friend-bullies that I learned to stand up to or pushed out of my life (or at least toward the periphery), and now my best friends are close as sisters (or brothers!). They'd no sooner bully me or hurt me than they would their own family, and I trust them completely. They might poke fun at me, but then know when to stop before it ventures into cruelty. It was through betrayal and pain that I came to learn what true friendship should and could be, and formed a close-knit group of friends instead of isolating myself as I could have so easily done. It helped to go to college, where I was in constant contact with individuals who had similar interests to me, and it also helped that I grew up and grew out of my shyness and gained confidence and independence.
So in a weird way, thanks R for teaching me the nature of true friendship. While I'm sad to hear about how the echoes of that high school pain have reverberated through to your present, I hope you can also see that bullying comes in all shapes and sizes--but that it can also be fuel for growth and positive change.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
balance over perfection
Day 3 dawns, and I crawl out of my bed, my head still full of congestion and pain even after 9+ hours of sleep. I'm supposed to be all gung-ho and happy about this challenge, yet I can barely muster up enough energy to clean my house, let alone cook good food. I managed to inspire L to make half of a recipe last night--the delicious sounding Roasted Sweet Potato and Brussels Sprouts Bowl--but we got as far as roasting the veggies and cooking the quinoa before giving up and eating leftovers. (Lunch for today, though!!)
And of course, when I'm sick, I tend to either 1) not eat or 2) eat anything comforting for the sheer fact that it makes me feel marginally better for a few minutes.
Not that any of this is an excuse--however, in some ways, it has liberated me from doing this challenge "perfectly," which is a reason some people might not join in despite wanting to. I am too often a victim of my own desire for perfection, an unattainable state, and by beginning the challenge all sick and low-energy gives me a shot to carry through the whole four weeks by seeking balance instead.
Despite feeling poorly, I did make it to studio classes both Monday and Tuesday, which made me feel a bit better, and I'm planning to go tonight or do a workout at home, depending. (Don't worry--I'm not contagious, and I've been careful to wash my hands and not get too close to people or their adorable small children.)
Yesterday, I even made a couple of recipes to use up old bananas, one a variation on these delicious muffin-tops (I swapped out the dates for tahini to reduce the sweetness and amp up the healthy fats/protein. I really should track things better when I make them so that I can actually give you all a recipe) and another this grain-free banana bread, which L heartily approved of. I have figured out that I have to keep my snacks not-to-sweet, or I keep reaching for them (thus, no chocolate in my muffin tops), and L likes having a little treat to tide him over in that time between work and dinner.
That was the extent of my energy yesterday--after baking a bit in the afternoon and attempting to work, I succumbed to the desire to nap and lay on the couch while watching TV (PS: who knew Powerpuff Girls was so awesome???). But as Megan often stresses to us in class, we have to take good care of ourselves and give our body what it needs, and mine needed (and probably still needs) rest. So despite feeling in some ways like I'm not doing the best job with the start of this challenge from the get-go, I hope that I'm demonstrating through example that the point of the challenge is not to be perfect, but to strive to do our best and to love ourselves and care for ourselves.
And now, to continue slowly getting well again.
And of course, when I'm sick, I tend to either 1) not eat or 2) eat anything comforting for the sheer fact that it makes me feel marginally better for a few minutes.
Not that any of this is an excuse--however, in some ways, it has liberated me from doing this challenge "perfectly," which is a reason some people might not join in despite wanting to. I am too often a victim of my own desire for perfection, an unattainable state, and by beginning the challenge all sick and low-energy gives me a shot to carry through the whole four weeks by seeking balance instead.
Despite feeling poorly, I did make it to studio classes both Monday and Tuesday, which made me feel a bit better, and I'm planning to go tonight or do a workout at home, depending. (Don't worry--I'm not contagious, and I've been careful to wash my hands and not get too close to people or their adorable small children.)
Yesterday, I even made a couple of recipes to use up old bananas, one a variation on these delicious muffin-tops (I swapped out the dates for tahini to reduce the sweetness and amp up the healthy fats/protein. I really should track things better when I make them so that I can actually give you all a recipe) and another this grain-free banana bread, which L heartily approved of. I have figured out that I have to keep my snacks not-to-sweet, or I keep reaching for them (thus, no chocolate in my muffin tops), and L likes having a little treat to tide him over in that time between work and dinner.
That was the extent of my energy yesterday--after baking a bit in the afternoon and attempting to work, I succumbed to the desire to nap and lay on the couch while watching TV (PS: who knew Powerpuff Girls was so awesome???). But as Megan often stresses to us in class, we have to take good care of ourselves and give our body what it needs, and mine needed (and probably still needs) rest. So despite feeling in some ways like I'm not doing the best job with the start of this challenge from the get-go, I hope that I'm demonstrating through example that the point of the challenge is not to be perfect, but to strive to do our best and to love ourselves and care for ourselves.
And now, to continue slowly getting well again.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
28 to great challenge
Around the holidays, Jamie turned to me at the studio and mentioned that she'd like to do something like the fall challenge again. I agreed--the fall challenge was a blast, and I personally saw big results. Fast forward until after the holidays, and I found myself wanting to recenter myself with regards to nutrition and challenge myself to balance my academic life, working out, eating well, and socializing, and I figured that taking on the barre3 28 to Great challenge was a good way to do so.
This semester, I'm officially working on my dissertation. The last time I had to write a massively long writing project (my MA thesis), I let myself fall out of the habit of working out and eating well--in fact, I wrote the thing on large bags of peanut butter M&Ms. I finished, but also gained several pounds in the process.
Knowing my own tendency to shut down when I'm overwhelmed or turn to sweets and food when stressed, I wanted to forge new habits. It doesn't hurt that I'm totally obsessed with barre3 right now: the Fayetteville studio is INCREDIBLE, and the instructors are awesome. The goal of the 28 to Great Challenge is not to restrict yourself or radically alter behaviors, but instead to find that balance among exercise, nutrition, and connection. For me, I also want to find that balance between taking care of my body and doing what I need to do to succeed academically and professionally.
Anyway, so starting Monday, Jamie and I are leading the challenge, and I hope lots of people will join us. It's great to work together, share triumphs and struggles with each other, and encourage one another to strive toward health and balance. Let's do this!
This semester, I'm officially working on my dissertation. The last time I had to write a massively long writing project (my MA thesis), I let myself fall out of the habit of working out and eating well--in fact, I wrote the thing on large bags of peanut butter M&Ms. I finished, but also gained several pounds in the process.
Knowing my own tendency to shut down when I'm overwhelmed or turn to sweets and food when stressed, I wanted to forge new habits. It doesn't hurt that I'm totally obsessed with barre3 right now: the Fayetteville studio is INCREDIBLE, and the instructors are awesome. The goal of the 28 to Great Challenge is not to restrict yourself or radically alter behaviors, but instead to find that balance among exercise, nutrition, and connection. For me, I also want to find that balance between taking care of my body and doing what I need to do to succeed academically and professionally.
 |
| The barre3 formula: exercise, nourish, connect |
Anyway, so starting Monday, Jamie and I are leading the challenge, and I hope lots of people will join us. It's great to work together, share triumphs and struggles with each other, and encourage one another to strive toward health and balance. Let's do this!
Sunday, January 12, 2014
running solitary
As the wind pushed roughly against my body, I leaned forward slightly to continue propelling myself toward the end of the dam across Lake Fayetteville. The glow of the sun was to one side, and tendrils of rose streaked across the sky and reflected in the lake on the other side of me. It was, despite the strong headwind, exhilarating and lovely, and I was simultaneously alone (without even an iPod to accompany me) and together with the other people enjoying this spring-like day.
Lately, I have found myself running alone more and more, electing to run my long runs alone as I train for marathon #3 (Little Rock, March 2014). While not always by choice, I have consciously sought out running alone. I would not have been able to train for and run either of my two marathons without my running group, and at times I miss them (and will be rejoining the Wednesday morning run this week!); however, I'm also learning to enjoy the mediation and introspection--or the void--the solitary run can provide.
Today, I ran without any sort of distraction, and the miles flew beneath my feet. During this run I thought of nothing, of everything. I wrote the beginning of this post in my head; I soaked up the sunshine; I experienced the feeling of my body moving itself forward, the muscles I'm learning to understand better (through barre3 and yoga) working hard to support and sustain me; I observed the world alive around me as I traversed the Lake Fayetteville trail. I never grew bored, and I was sorry to see the end.
Part of my joy in motion was the delight of being able to move again after being too sick to leave my house for two days (and feeling under the weather for much of the week). Although I'm only at about 85% currently, I feel like a whole new woman, especially after my epic and traumatic hangover of last Sunday and the death cold that felled me on Wednesday and Thursday and part of Friday.
But more of it was that I'm learning to delight in just running. I barely glanced at my GPS watch and just allowed myself to enjoy the beautiful day, the wind, the fact that I could run in shorts and a light layer. On days when I don't feel like running (which was actually some today--I was due to run a long run but decided to push it until tomorrow), it is good to remember that when I do run, I am able to fully be in myself, relaxed and present. And even though running with others is intensely fun and helps the time pass for those 20-milers, I in some way lose the ability to meditate and enjoy just being a body moving through space. What I'm looking for now is a balance between getting to run with the energy of other runners carrying me and also being able to call forth my own quiet joy to delight in the solitary experience.
Lately, I have found myself running alone more and more, electing to run my long runs alone as I train for marathon #3 (Little Rock, March 2014). While not always by choice, I have consciously sought out running alone. I would not have been able to train for and run either of my two marathons without my running group, and at times I miss them (and will be rejoining the Wednesday morning run this week!); however, I'm also learning to enjoy the mediation and introspection--or the void--the solitary run can provide.
Today, I ran without any sort of distraction, and the miles flew beneath my feet. During this run I thought of nothing, of everything. I wrote the beginning of this post in my head; I soaked up the sunshine; I experienced the feeling of my body moving itself forward, the muscles I'm learning to understand better (through barre3 and yoga) working hard to support and sustain me; I observed the world alive around me as I traversed the Lake Fayetteville trail. I never grew bored, and I was sorry to see the end.
Part of my joy in motion was the delight of being able to move again after being too sick to leave my house for two days (and feeling under the weather for much of the week). Although I'm only at about 85% currently, I feel like a whole new woman, especially after my epic and traumatic hangover of last Sunday and the death cold that felled me on Wednesday and Thursday and part of Friday.
But more of it was that I'm learning to delight in just running. I barely glanced at my GPS watch and just allowed myself to enjoy the beautiful day, the wind, the fact that I could run in shorts and a light layer. On days when I don't feel like running (which was actually some today--I was due to run a long run but decided to push it until tomorrow), it is good to remember that when I do run, I am able to fully be in myself, relaxed and present. And even though running with others is intensely fun and helps the time pass for those 20-milers, I in some way lose the ability to meditate and enjoy just being a body moving through space. What I'm looking for now is a balance between getting to run with the energy of other runners carrying me and also being able to call forth my own quiet joy to delight in the solitary experience.
Wednesday, January 08, 2014
wintry wednesday
I really, really hate having a cold. But the mental/emotional fog of yesterday has lifted, and although my stuffy/runny nose and light cough remind me that I'm not 100% healthy, my boosted mood is almost enough to overcome it. I fully intend to feel better tomorrow, after another good night of sleep.
*****
I finished Haruki Murakami's What I Talk About When I Talk about Running, and it is a book that rambled delightfully on, yet held together as a cohesive whole, like an essayist's memoir, or a memoir inspired by essays. Either way, if you want a well-written book about life and writing and running, this is the book for you--so often, books about running are fairly interesting, but not the most stylistically advanced. This book, while not one that will teach you things about running, is wonderfully thoughtful and polished that I can't not love it.
I wasn't able to run today because I didn't figure mixing running in the rain with fighting a cold was a very good idea, but finishing this book made me twitchy to get my feet back on the pavement tomorrow.
I will give you a few more tidbits that I had to mark as I read because they were so striking, and they so perfectly capture some of my own thoughts about running.
This quotation captures my attitude about running--I do it because I really, really like it, and I think other people should run only if they also really like it. Otherwise, find something else that you enjoy, like walking or swimming or biking or zumba or barre3 or ...
*****
I finished Haruki Murakami's What I Talk About When I Talk about Running, and it is a book that rambled delightfully on, yet held together as a cohesive whole, like an essayist's memoir, or a memoir inspired by essays. Either way, if you want a well-written book about life and writing and running, this is the book for you--so often, books about running are fairly interesting, but not the most stylistically advanced. This book, while not one that will teach you things about running, is wonderfully thoughtful and polished that I can't not love it.
I wasn't able to run today because I didn't figure mixing running in the rain with fighting a cold was a very good idea, but finishing this book made me twitchy to get my feet back on the pavement tomorrow.
I will give you a few more tidbits that I had to mark as I read because they were so striking, and they so perfectly capture some of my own thoughts about running.
This quotation captures my attitude about running--I do it because I really, really like it, and I think other people should run only if they also really like it. Otherwise, find something else that you enjoy, like walking or swimming or biking or zumba or barre3 or ...
When I tell people I run every day, some are quite impressed. "You really must have a strong will," they sometimes tell me. Of course it's nice to be praised like this. A lot better than being disparaged, that's for sure. But I don't think it's merely willpower that makes you able to do something. The world isn't that simple. To tell the truth, I don't even think there's much correlation between my running every day and whether or not I have a strong will. I think I've been able to run for more than twenty years for a simple reason: It suits me. Or at least because I don't find it all that painful. Human beings naturally continue doing things they like, and they don't continue what they don't like. Admittedly, something close to will does play a small part in that. But no matter how strong a will a person has, no matter how much he may hate to lose, if it's an activity he doesn't really care for, he won't keep it up for long. Even if he did, it wouldn't be good for him. (43-44)This I just liked because he sneers at the running naysayers (I'd add to the list the people who say anything about how I'm killing my knees or any other bit of me). Also, it offers a reason why runners run that's beyond exercise and health and goes much deeper than simply staying in good shape:
People sometimes sneer at those who run every day, claiming they'll go to any length to live longer. But I don't think that's the reason most people run. Most runners run not because they want to live longer, but because they want to live life to the fullest. If you're going to while away the years, it's far better to live them with clear goals and fully alive than in a fog, and I believe running helps you do that. Exerting yourself to the fullest within your individual limits; that's the essence of running, and a metaphor for life--and for me, for writing as well. I believe many runners would agree. (82-83)I like to run marathons not just because they are challenging, but on some level because I get enjoyment out of them:
Liz, who looks after my books at knopf, sends me an email. She's also going to run the New York City Marathon, in what will be first full marathon. "Have a good time!" I email back. And that's right: for a marathon to mean anything, it should be fun. Otherwise, why would thousands of people run 26.2 miles? (134)And, finally, a good thing to keep in mind when my body starts slowing down, and I stop being able to run as fast and set awesome PRs:
There's one thing, though, I can state with confidence: until the feeling that I've done a good job in a race returns, I'm going to keep running marathons, and not let it get me down. Even when I grow old and feeble, when people warn me it's about time to throw in the towel, I won't care. As long as my body allows, I'll keep on running. Even if my time gets worse, I'll keep on putting in as much effort--perhaps even more effort--toward my goal of finishing a marathon. I don't care what others say--that's just my nature, the way I am. Like scorpions sting, cicadas cling to trees, salmon swim upstream to where they were born, and wild ducks mate for life. (149)What an enjoyable book. Any of you all have any other running book suggestions for me?
Tuesday, January 07, 2014
toxins
I woke up this morning with the warning tickle in my throat that is the harbinger of a cold. As I don't often get colds, I always face this situation with annoyance and with the determination that I will defeat whatever toxin is invading my system with healthy foods, water, and more tea than a British monarch.
I've also recently been making my way through Haruki Murakami's engaging and intelligent memoir What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, where he draws interesting parallels between running and writing. One discussion that particularly struck me was his belief that writing novels can be a form of a toxin and running is a way to counteract that. Running--embodying physical health--can actually be away to clear mental and emotional toxins as well. I often feel that running physically purifies me, cleanses me of toxins and brings me energy, but I never connected it also to a concept of mental and emotional toxin.
However, after a recent bout of drunken revelry, during which I acted in ways that I was less than proud of as I spent the next day on the couch struggling to keep any food or water down, I have begun considering other kinds of toxins--those mental and emotional toxins--that I willingly or unknowingly introduce into my body, my mind, and my relationships.
Now, I don't think alcohol is always a toxin (well, at least in small amounts), but as I strive for a life that is healthful and more vibrant, I see now that "detoxing" might need to be more than cutting out sugar and booze for a few days following holiday indulgences. It might mean also freeing myself of behaviors and attitudes that can become toxins for my emotional and mental health, as well as the health of my closest and most vital relationships.
It was in the midst of the last moments of an increasingly hazy night that I realized that my own actions had become a toxin to both myself and to my connection with others. It may have been coincidental that I immediately wanted to throw up when that realization penetrated my alcohol-addled brain, but I have to wonder. Since that point, I've been contemplating and considering the other forms that toxins can take and how I might counteract them. Sure, eating vegetables and drinking lots of water and exercising functions effectively to remove physical toxins from my body, but how can I strive to remove that which might poison in other ways?
Not that I have answers, but a shift in understanding the ways I can be the best human I am capable of seems to be taking place, as well as understanding that my actions not only introduce a toxin to myself, but can also harm the people I love best. And like a strong body is able to fight off an invasion or a mild toxin, a strong relationship can surely withstand small doses; yet, I do not want to put myself in the position to see where the breaking point is, where the toxins overwhelm the healthy body and cause it to be destroyed.
I've also recently been making my way through Haruki Murakami's engaging and intelligent memoir What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, where he draws interesting parallels between running and writing. One discussion that particularly struck me was his belief that writing novels can be a form of a toxin and running is a way to counteract that. Running--embodying physical health--can actually be away to clear mental and emotional toxins as well. I often feel that running physically purifies me, cleanses me of toxins and brings me energy, but I never connected it also to a concept of mental and emotional toxin.
However, after a recent bout of drunken revelry, during which I acted in ways that I was less than proud of as I spent the next day on the couch struggling to keep any food or water down, I have begun considering other kinds of toxins--those mental and emotional toxins--that I willingly or unknowingly introduce into my body, my mind, and my relationships.
Now, I don't think alcohol is always a toxin (well, at least in small amounts), but as I strive for a life that is healthful and more vibrant, I see now that "detoxing" might need to be more than cutting out sugar and booze for a few days following holiday indulgences. It might mean also freeing myself of behaviors and attitudes that can become toxins for my emotional and mental health, as well as the health of my closest and most vital relationships.
It was in the midst of the last moments of an increasingly hazy night that I realized that my own actions had become a toxin to both myself and to my connection with others. It may have been coincidental that I immediately wanted to throw up when that realization penetrated my alcohol-addled brain, but I have to wonder. Since that point, I've been contemplating and considering the other forms that toxins can take and how I might counteract them. Sure, eating vegetables and drinking lots of water and exercising functions effectively to remove physical toxins from my body, but how can I strive to remove that which might poison in other ways?
Not that I have answers, but a shift in understanding the ways I can be the best human I am capable of seems to be taking place, as well as understanding that my actions not only introduce a toxin to myself, but can also harm the people I love best. And like a strong body is able to fight off an invasion or a mild toxin, a strong relationship can surely withstand small doses; yet, I do not want to put myself in the position to see where the breaking point is, where the toxins overwhelm the healthy body and cause it to be destroyed.
Friday, January 03, 2014
habits
When I went to the dentist last summer after a three year hiatus, I was terrified that he would find cavities or something terrible. While there were no cavities (yay!), I did get a stern lecture about the necessity of flossing. It turns out that a lot of the mild gum pain I was experiencing was due to not flossing. So I set out to begin to cultivate a habit of flossing by leaving myself an obnoxious note on my mirror and forcing myself to floss everyday--and actually have managed to become a regular flosser. It is just part of my routine now, since I'd never go do bed before without brushing me teeth. Now I make sure to both floss and brush before bed, and I have zero gum pain.
I tell this story because I've been thinking of how I can apply this sort of habit-formation in other parts of my life. It was a small action, and it was kind of annoying at first, but I realized that if I set out to alter my behavior in a manageable way, I can do it.
I think the next habit I want to tackle is doing something right away instead of putting it off indefinitely. If it needs to be done, instead of getting all annoyed about how much I don't want to do it, I've been trying to mentally reroute that emotional response and just do the task, focusing instead on the happy feelings of accomplishment afterwards. For instance, I'm terrible about putting off reading and commenting on my students' work because 1) I get busy and want to be able to dedicate time to it, but sometimes 2) it stresses me out. So instead of focusing on the stress and the frustration that I might normally associate with the task, I want to reframe it to focus on the satisfaction of efficiently returning student work and the delight that also comes from reading their work.
Another thing I need to work on not putting off is morning exercise. While I meant to run this morning, I slept so poorly because of CATS and SNORING that I just couldn't get up to run with my running group. What I could have done, however, was gotten up a little bit later and done a slightly shorter run and still have gotten it in, yet I stayed in bed (it was cold!) and then got up to dink around on the Internet (emails! pinterest!). But, if my habit were to just get up and go, then I'd have gotten the run in already and would likely feel much more alert and ready to tackle the work I need to accomplish today.
Successfully forming one small habit, however, has taught me that habits can be created when the goal is specific, and the path is cleared to make creating that habit easier. I need to break these goals down into small, manageable steps until it becomes habitual for me to roll out of bed right away, put on my shoes, and get out the door with little fuss; or, alternately, tackle tasks immediately instead of putting them off and dreading them.
I tell this story because I've been thinking of how I can apply this sort of habit-formation in other parts of my life. It was a small action, and it was kind of annoying at first, but I realized that if I set out to alter my behavior in a manageable way, I can do it.
I think the next habit I want to tackle is doing something right away instead of putting it off indefinitely. If it needs to be done, instead of getting all annoyed about how much I don't want to do it, I've been trying to mentally reroute that emotional response and just do the task, focusing instead on the happy feelings of accomplishment afterwards. For instance, I'm terrible about putting off reading and commenting on my students' work because 1) I get busy and want to be able to dedicate time to it, but sometimes 2) it stresses me out. So instead of focusing on the stress and the frustration that I might normally associate with the task, I want to reframe it to focus on the satisfaction of efficiently returning student work and the delight that also comes from reading their work.
Another thing I need to work on not putting off is morning exercise. While I meant to run this morning, I slept so poorly because of CATS and SNORING that I just couldn't get up to run with my running group. What I could have done, however, was gotten up a little bit later and done a slightly shorter run and still have gotten it in, yet I stayed in bed (it was cold!) and then got up to dink around on the Internet (emails! pinterest!). But, if my habit were to just get up and go, then I'd have gotten the run in already and would likely feel much more alert and ready to tackle the work I need to accomplish today.
Successfully forming one small habit, however, has taught me that habits can be created when the goal is specific, and the path is cleared to make creating that habit easier. I need to break these goals down into small, manageable steps until it becomes habitual for me to roll out of bed right away, put on my shoes, and get out the door with little fuss; or, alternately, tackle tasks immediately instead of putting them off and dreading them.
Thursday, January 02, 2014
thinking+running
What do I think about when I run? I will let these words from Haruki Murakami's fascinating running memoir What I Talk about When I Talk about Running tell you:
I'm often asked what I think about as I run. Usually the people who ask this have never run long distances themselves. I always ponder the question. What exactly do I think about when I'm running? I don't have a clue.
On cold days I guess I think a little about how cold it is. And about the heat on hot days. When I'm sad I think a little about sadness. When I'm happy I think a little about happiness. As I mentioned before, random memories come to me too. And occasionally, hardly ever, really, I get an idea to use in a novel. But really as I run, I don't think much of anything worth mentioning.
I just run. I run in a void. Or maybe I should put it the other way: I run in order to acquire a void. But as you might expect, an occasional thought will slip into this void. People's minds can't be a complete blank. Human beings' emotions are not strong or consistent enough to sustain a vacuum. What I mean is, the kinds of thoughts and ideas that invade my emotions as I run remain subordinate to that void. Lacking content, they are just random thoughts that gather around that central void.
The thoughts that occur to me while I'm running are like clouds in the sky. Clouds of all different sizes. They come and they go, while the sky remains the same sky as always. The clouds are mere guests in the sky that pass away and vanish, leaving behind the sky. The sky both exists and doesn't exist. It has substance and at the same time doesn't. And we merely accept that vast expanse and drink it in (16-17).Murakami, Haruki. What I Talk about When I Talk about Running. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2008. Print.
Wednesday, January 01, 2014
hello, 2014
This is the day of resolutions. But I want to remind you all that while it's fun to aspire to better things and work toward changes that improve our lives, we also should embrace who we are, where we are, and what we are. I've been working on this a lot this past year (and will continue to do so), and while I don't think self-improvement or resolutions or goals are anything to be sneered at, I also want to remember to celebrate what I already have in my life: good health, wonderful friends, and a promising career.
Of course, however, I do have some "resolutions," though Lance and I already have been working on them. I picked up this idea of a New Year's "theme" from a HuffPo article, but I've been abandoning the idea of specific resolutions for the past few years anyway, namely the ubiquitous health-related ones. Our current goal (and one we both agreed would be ideal) would be to stop procrastinating and spending mindless time watching TV or zoning out on the computer (ahem, Facebook and Pinterest for me). Our strides in this direction have already been awesome, and we look forward to continuing them into the new year.
Personally, (and a related theme) is a goal of mindfulness. This means anything from actually texting/talking to humans instead of posting to Facebook and spending empty hours just looking at websites and watching dumb TV shows to being conscious of other choices I make daily that affect my health and wellbeing. I like this idea because I've noticed how much time I spend on the internet doing nothing really when I could be using that time to be more productive both personally and professionally, from pursing my hobbies to writing articles to reading books for pleasure and for learning.
For some specific goals, I would like to spend some time daily reading and writing. The reading can be any nature (but should be more professional), and the writing can be this blog as well as professional writing (or an overlap of the two). Now that I am officially ABD, I need to begin cultivating better professional habits that will both help me produce a dissertation in a reasonable amount of time and work toward getting publications so that I have success on the job market. And working on my own writing craft, both personally and professionally, will help be to be a better writing instructor, not to mention keeping up with current scholarship.
Otherwise, I'm planning to continue toward overall simplification of my life and my belongings and continuing to work to improve my fitness with running and barre3. I started off today with a 10k run with my brother and his buddy, and I got to go to a delightful barre3 class this evening, kicking 2014 off to a great start. And with a bit of writing here, I can check off another of my goals!
Happy 2014, everyone. I hope 2013 was amazing, and here's to what's to come in the next year as well.
Of course, however, I do have some "resolutions," though Lance and I already have been working on them. I picked up this idea of a New Year's "theme" from a HuffPo article, but I've been abandoning the idea of specific resolutions for the past few years anyway, namely the ubiquitous health-related ones. Our current goal (and one we both agreed would be ideal) would be to stop procrastinating and spending mindless time watching TV or zoning out on the computer (ahem, Facebook and Pinterest for me). Our strides in this direction have already been awesome, and we look forward to continuing them into the new year.
Personally, (and a related theme) is a goal of mindfulness. This means anything from actually texting/talking to humans instead of posting to Facebook and spending empty hours just looking at websites and watching dumb TV shows to being conscious of other choices I make daily that affect my health and wellbeing. I like this idea because I've noticed how much time I spend on the internet doing nothing really when I could be using that time to be more productive both personally and professionally, from pursing my hobbies to writing articles to reading books for pleasure and for learning.
For some specific goals, I would like to spend some time daily reading and writing. The reading can be any nature (but should be more professional), and the writing can be this blog as well as professional writing (or an overlap of the two). Now that I am officially ABD, I need to begin cultivating better professional habits that will both help me produce a dissertation in a reasonable amount of time and work toward getting publications so that I have success on the job market. And working on my own writing craft, both personally and professionally, will help be to be a better writing instructor, not to mention keeping up with current scholarship.
Otherwise, I'm planning to continue toward overall simplification of my life and my belongings and continuing to work to improve my fitness with running and barre3. I started off today with a 10k run with my brother and his buddy, and I got to go to a delightful barre3 class this evening, kicking 2014 off to a great start. And with a bit of writing here, I can check off another of my goals!
Happy 2014, everyone. I hope 2013 was amazing, and here's to what's to come in the next year as well.
Sunday, December 08, 2013
repair+simplify
I've been in the process, the past few months, of simplifying my life. Or at least as much as possible. When you live in a small house and own lots of belongings, they have a way of beginning to wear on you. After all, there's not a lot of space to store (i.e. hide) items, so it ends up in piles here and there, which ends up driving me a little crazy.
I took advantage of the snow days to go through my yarn stash, sorting and reminding myself of what I have. I've actually avoided buying yarn (or fabric!) for the past year, attempting to make things from what I already own in an attempt to pare down some of my craft collection (don't get me started on my paper/bookmaking stuff...I really, really need to love fewer hobbies). While I didn't get rid of anything, I did reduce the space it took up and felt motivated to finish up a few oddball projects lurking around.
Then, as kitten has developed a taste for technical fabrics (she has chewed on running short strings, sports bra straps, and ruined a pair of my running socks), I rearranged some of my clothes to put all of my workout gear in a closed box. In this process, I decided to weed out items I don't wear or no longer fit (this game, while fun, is growing a tiny bit old--several pairs of capris were deemed too large to wear because I can pull them off without unbuttoning them, which is my general rule for getting rid of something), adding to the already large pile of clothes I'm giving away either to friends who need them or charity.
You see, I have a thing for buying clothes: I love clothes, and when I feel good about my body, I love putting clothes on it. Lately, however, I've been trying to think in terms of simplifying my wardrobe, investing only in quality pieces and not in the cheap crap that falls apart after a season of wear. It's hard because TRENDS, but I think it's somewhat forcing me to reconsider how I view my wardrobe. I want to own clothes that I love, that make me feel good, and that also are well-made and will wear well for a long time.
Which leads me to my other point: repair. Since I have sewing skillzzzz, I already am in the habit of repairing clothes. However, shoes are another matter. There's a cobbler about a 15 minute walk from my house, so in one of my cleaning/purging moods a few weeks back, I rounded up several pairs of shoes I love (but needed repaired) and took them to him. For the low price of less than $20, he repaired three pairs of shoes: putting a new heel on my black pair of boots, reattaching heels to a nice pair of Mary Janes that are comfortable to walk in but teaching-appropriate, and repairing the soles/lining of a cute pair of wedges that are super comfy AND stylish.
And as I was picking these up, I noticed some beautiful Hobo wallets, and asked if they repaired those, and they do--so I left my tired/worn Hobo wallet to get refinished, restoring it back to its former glory and further protecting the leather to extend its use-value. I had been thinking of getting a new wallet, but I love the Hobo I already own and didn't want to buy a brand new one (I bought this one used on ebay for cheap), so I'm excited that I can repair mine instead for a reasonable price.
It can be difficult to get out of the mindset of owning more and more stuff, and I don't think I'm to the point yet where I carefully choose what new items enter my house and work to live with less and more simply. But I'm trying, and I think I'm making some progress. I am beginning to understand the freedom, however, that comes with a simpler life.
I took advantage of the snow days to go through my yarn stash, sorting and reminding myself of what I have. I've actually avoided buying yarn (or fabric!) for the past year, attempting to make things from what I already own in an attempt to pare down some of my craft collection (don't get me started on my paper/bookmaking stuff...I really, really need to love fewer hobbies). While I didn't get rid of anything, I did reduce the space it took up and felt motivated to finish up a few oddball projects lurking around.
Then, as kitten has developed a taste for technical fabrics (she has chewed on running short strings, sports bra straps, and ruined a pair of my running socks), I rearranged some of my clothes to put all of my workout gear in a closed box. In this process, I decided to weed out items I don't wear or no longer fit (this game, while fun, is growing a tiny bit old--several pairs of capris were deemed too large to wear because I can pull them off without unbuttoning them, which is my general rule for getting rid of something), adding to the already large pile of clothes I'm giving away either to friends who need them or charity.
You see, I have a thing for buying clothes: I love clothes, and when I feel good about my body, I love putting clothes on it. Lately, however, I've been trying to think in terms of simplifying my wardrobe, investing only in quality pieces and not in the cheap crap that falls apart after a season of wear. It's hard because TRENDS, but I think it's somewhat forcing me to reconsider how I view my wardrobe. I want to own clothes that I love, that make me feel good, and that also are well-made and will wear well for a long time.
Which leads me to my other point: repair. Since I have sewing skillzzzz, I already am in the habit of repairing clothes. However, shoes are another matter. There's a cobbler about a 15 minute walk from my house, so in one of my cleaning/purging moods a few weeks back, I rounded up several pairs of shoes I love (but needed repaired) and took them to him. For the low price of less than $20, he repaired three pairs of shoes: putting a new heel on my black pair of boots, reattaching heels to a nice pair of Mary Janes that are comfortable to walk in but teaching-appropriate, and repairing the soles/lining of a cute pair of wedges that are super comfy AND stylish.
And as I was picking these up, I noticed some beautiful Hobo wallets, and asked if they repaired those, and they do--so I left my tired/worn Hobo wallet to get refinished, restoring it back to its former glory and further protecting the leather to extend its use-value. I had been thinking of getting a new wallet, but I love the Hobo I already own and didn't want to buy a brand new one (I bought this one used on ebay for cheap), so I'm excited that I can repair mine instead for a reasonable price.
It can be difficult to get out of the mindset of owning more and more stuff, and I don't think I'm to the point yet where I carefully choose what new items enter my house and work to live with less and more simply. But I'm trying, and I think I'm making some progress. I am beginning to understand the freedom, however, that comes with a simpler life.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
post-fall challenge
Maybe it's because L is out of town. Maybe it's because I'm loving the strength I've gained and the feeling of healthfulness. Either way, it seems even though the barre3 fall challenge is officially over, I've been sticking with it, eating really well and exercising regularly, which is especially good since I run a half-marathon in over a week!
With my building core strength, I've realized that I'm poised to become a different kind of runner, one who is balanced and strong, perhaps one who can run a bit faster than I have before. I understand better the ways my core drives the motion of my limbs, and that connection is something I can return to as I grow tired during a run to maintain my form and continue moving efficiently.
I'm looking forward to seeing how my racing performance has changed--and continuing to incorporate the healthy habits and exercise into my day as I pursue my degree and work with my students.
Psst! I got a shout out on the official barre3 blog! Neat!
Sunday, November 10, 2013
The last day!
It is the end of the barre3 fall challenge, and I want to keep it going because it's been so transformative for me, in ways unexpected and amazing. I mean, I didn't have a hard time adapting to the gluten-free recipes because, well, that's how I eat anyway, but the striving to incorporate a bit more strength training in made a huge difference.
Things that have changed:
Things that have changed:
- I lost a pants size. What!
- I have abs. Really, seriously. Like, I can see ab muscles. Also crazy-awesome arm muscles.
- All-or-nothing is dumb. If I can't get a workout in, then don't stress--but try. I realized the mornings that I started off with a short workout, I had a bit more energy and felt more focused, so it's something I want to keep up with.
- Feeling stronger overall is awesome.
- As is running more efficiently.
- I feel more connected with my physical self, understanding better how muscles connect and work together. Which means when I run, I'm conscious of how my core drives my arms and legs, and how I need to keep my form active to run well.
This is all pretty fabulous. So, while I didn't go "all in" with eating and avoiding caffeine and alcohol, I still gained a lot from this experience. And I can't wait to continue strengthening and improving and having fun, bringing what I learned in the challenge into my everyday life. :)
Saturday, October 26, 2013
pick yourself back up
A dearth of posting this week meant that I was overwhelmed. Oh-so-overwhelmed. Despite having two days off for fall break at the beginning of the week, I found myself unable to fully catch up on my student's work and my own work.
It wasn't like I slacked off either--I was plenty busy working on this stuff, including starting my dissertation research--yet, a giant pile. It made me a bit cranky on Wednesday, though by the end of the week I'd made some headway.
It also meant that while I was still getting my fall challenge workouts in (mostly), I stopped eating as healthfully and mindfully as I was trying to last week. I didn't go gobble down a bunch of sweets or even anything that unhealthy, but I did eat out of boredom, frustration, and unhappiness.
The beauty of this whole fall challenge thing is that the barre3 philosophy isn't to be super restrictive or go overkill--you are supposed to make it your own, and not worry if you don't quite meet your own goals. So, happily, I'm getting back to it and not beating myself up about it. I'm also going to point out that my normal pattern would have been to just give up, then go out and get a pint of ice cream or a bunch of candy and eat it all, but I didn't do that--so, progress!
I have to say, I love feeling not stressed out about all this. Sure, it's hard to make sure to fit exercise in and cook meals that are healthy and tasty (all while trying to keep the house respectable and keep up with my own academic/scholarly work), but I'm starting to see a glimmer of balance in all this craziness. I love it. Onward and upward!
It wasn't like I slacked off either--I was plenty busy working on this stuff, including starting my dissertation research--yet, a giant pile. It made me a bit cranky on Wednesday, though by the end of the week I'd made some headway.
It also meant that while I was still getting my fall challenge workouts in (mostly), I stopped eating as healthfully and mindfully as I was trying to last week. I didn't go gobble down a bunch of sweets or even anything that unhealthy, but I did eat out of boredom, frustration, and unhappiness.
The beauty of this whole fall challenge thing is that the barre3 philosophy isn't to be super restrictive or go overkill--you are supposed to make it your own, and not worry if you don't quite meet your own goals. So, happily, I'm getting back to it and not beating myself up about it. I'm also going to point out that my normal pattern would have been to just give up, then go out and get a pint of ice cream or a bunch of candy and eat it all, but I didn't do that--so, progress!
I have to say, I love feeling not stressed out about all this. Sure, it's hard to make sure to fit exercise in and cook meals that are healthy and tasty (all while trying to keep the house respectable and keep up with my own academic/scholarly work), but I'm starting to see a glimmer of balance in all this craziness. I love it. Onward and upward!
Friday, October 18, 2013
the missing butter
"Where's that stick of butter?" L asked me one morning as he prepared to cook breakfast.
I looked up from my reading, puzzled. "What butter?" "I had a partial stick right here, and now it's gone." We hunted around, yet, no butter. I queried the cats, but they revealed nothing. We figured, however, if they'd stolen the butter (and they would if they could, greedy little monsters), that there would have been butter EVERYWHERE. This was the good, organic butter, so we were certainly not willing to just give up.
We looked around a bit more, and with no sign of the butter, we were left scratching our heads and slightly sad that the pricey butter had vanished so thoroughly with no sign. I thought about it, thought about a poem, and then dropped the subject.
Fast forward a few days later. I'm working from home, L has left from a camping trip. During my work breaks, I'm cleaning as I tend to do when he goes out of town. After I finish work, I begin taking out the recycling piled high in the kitchen; I pick up a box to break it down, and LO! the butter has reemerged!
It appears only slightly scarred by the maw of whichever little furry beast knocked it off the cutting board in the first place. It must have fallen in where they could not reach, and thus it remained until I discovered it as I tried to recover from my household neglecting ways.
****
Otherwise, things were good. Day 5 of the challenge grows a bit easier, and I'm getting into the swing of things. And I gave the new 40 minute interval strength workout online a go, and liked it! Downside: I ate way too many barre3 bars. Next week: snacks will be veggie based.
day 5
Breakfast: GF banana pancakes with yogurt and a plum
Lunch: leftover beet, chickpea, and arugula bowl
Snacks: apple, barre3 bars, dates
Dinner: Spicy Moroccan Stew (YUM)
Workout: 40 minute barre3 interval strength
I looked up from my reading, puzzled. "What butter?" "I had a partial stick right here, and now it's gone." We hunted around, yet, no butter. I queried the cats, but they revealed nothing. We figured, however, if they'd stolen the butter (and they would if they could, greedy little monsters), that there would have been butter EVERYWHERE. This was the good, organic butter, so we were certainly not willing to just give up.
We looked around a bit more, and with no sign of the butter, we were left scratching our heads and slightly sad that the pricey butter had vanished so thoroughly with no sign. I thought about it, thought about a poem, and then dropped the subject.
Fast forward a few days later. I'm working from home, L has left from a camping trip. During my work breaks, I'm cleaning as I tend to do when he goes out of town. After I finish work, I begin taking out the recycling piled high in the kitchen; I pick up a box to break it down, and LO! the butter has reemerged!
It appears only slightly scarred by the maw of whichever little furry beast knocked it off the cutting board in the first place. It must have fallen in where they could not reach, and thus it remained until I discovered it as I tried to recover from my household neglecting ways.
****
Otherwise, things were good. Day 5 of the challenge grows a bit easier, and I'm getting into the swing of things. And I gave the new 40 minute interval strength workout online a go, and liked it! Downside: I ate way too many barre3 bars. Next week: snacks will be veggie based.
day 5
Breakfast: GF banana pancakes with yogurt and a plum
Lunch: leftover beet, chickpea, and arugula bowl
Snacks: apple, barre3 bars, dates
Dinner: Spicy Moroccan Stew (YUM)
Workout: 40 minute barre3 interval strength
Thursday, October 17, 2013
day 4. what's that??
 |
| mmm, tea |
I ate the granola I made last week again, and again I noticed that my stomach hurt. Too many occurrences for it not to be coincidental--yep, I'm reacting to whatever gluten contamination is in my oats. Drat! No fair. However, I will obtain GF certified oats, and make more granola--this time PUMPKIN. Watch for it.
But, when I finally woke up enough this morning and felt a bit better, I decided to do a barre3 video for 30 minutes, which was pretty nice--L even came out and did part of it with me (since I disrupted his sleep and all). Anyway, after finishing my shower, I poked my abs a bit, and I saw it: my oblique muscles, showing through. Whaaaat? Never in my life have I had definition in my abs, and there was a bit of something starting. Amazing!
The other thing that popped into my head, however, when I was looking in the mirror was that I was happy with my body. Since I've often bashed myself in my own head and generally wished I was different (oh, my pear shape! my long arms and legs that fail to fit clothes properly!), this is a pleasant change. In fact, I have to say that I have very rarely thought negatively about my body in the past couple of months, mostly since I started doing more yoga and began barre3. A regular yoga practice in addition to regular strength training has made me feel strong and confident and proud of my body and what it can do. Sure, I don't have a totally flat stomach (and probably won't ever, or at least not anytime soon), but I like how my body looks and how even when it's changing, it's still me. And better than those ab muscles: being able to hold boat pose LIKE A BOSS.
Tonight, I'm ending my day with a bit of turmeric tea. Turmeric has been attributed with a bunch of potential health benefits (some seem a bit overstated, but some seem reasonable), one of which is calming inflammation. With all this work I'm asking my body to do, I figured I'd best take care of it, and if drinking a delightful turmeric tea helps my muscles repair themselves and calms my digestive tract, then I'll give it a go. Plus, it's pretty delicious.
 |
| stir up the honey, add some hot water, squeeze in the lemon. |
day 3
Breakfast: yogurt and the cursed granola, then leftover veggies and an egg
Lunch: spring rolls with veggies and tempeh and delicious spicy almond sauce, raw banana oat bars
Dinner: A riff on this barre3 recipe, except instead of spinach, I used arugula, and I threw it all over a bed of lettuce and put a bit of sriracha on it.
Snacks: an apple, celery with sunflower butter, barre3 bar, dates + sunflower butter (still a little snack heavy, but I felt more conscious of my foods today)
exercise: 30 minute barre3 workout, 3 mi run, yoga
PS: I saw that there's a new 40 minute video posted that looks really, really fun, so I'll give it a try tomorrow!
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
day 3: hungry, hungry
I was hungry ALL DAY TODAY. It probably had something to do with beginning my day with a 5-mile run at 5:30am. I found myself digging into my lunch (turkey and kale quinoa over lettuce) at 9:30a when my delightful breakfast of eggs and veggies was no longer cutting it. Then, hungry again at 1:30, I grabbed a cup of coffee and some nuts from Starbucks, then ate an apple and a small amount of almond butter a bit later, followed by a huge snack when I returned home at 4:30 of anything I could readily shove into my mouth. (rice cakes with hummus, dates, and 1/2 a Barre3 Bar).
This afternoon hunger thing is often a problem with me. I think, perhaps, it's that I don't eat a large enough lunch. When I don't eat enough for lunch, I get hungry early in the afternoon, then I just eat everything partially because I'm really hungry, and partially because I'm tired and don't eat mindfully.
Since mindfulness was one of my goals, I plan to break the cycle: I'll set out one thing for my snack, wait a bit, and if I'm still hungry, opt for an earlier dinner, perhaps.
Day 2:
Breakfast: eggs with dill, sauteed veggies (squash, onion, kale)
Lunch: leftover quinoa chili with avocado
Snacks: too many donut holes, dates and sunflower butter
Dinner: turkey and kale quinoa
Exercise: 5 mile run, 1-hour vinyasa yoga class
Day 3:
Breakfast: eggs with tomato/basil, sauteed veggies (mustard greens, onion, squash)
Lunch: turkey and kale quinoa and lettuce
Snacks: nuts, apple with almond butter, 1/2 barre3 bar, 2 rice cakes with hummus, dates
Dinner: Watermelon! (since I had a huge snack, I didn't need much dinner)
Exercise: 5 mile run (with my lady running group--always a nice mid-week event!), 60 min barre3 Shape online video (challenging, but fun!)
I was pretty tired when I got home from work and didn't feel much better after just sitting and chilling; however, after the video I felt more energized (though ready for bed!).
These first few days have been a bit rough, and though not totally successful, I feel like I'm hitting the stride of the challenge. I am coming back to my goals (by talking about all this here, I'm moving outside my comfort zone AND thinking about mindfulness!) and am happy that I'm taking care of my self with rest, delicious watermelon, and good exercise.
This afternoon hunger thing is often a problem with me. I think, perhaps, it's that I don't eat a large enough lunch. When I don't eat enough for lunch, I get hungry early in the afternoon, then I just eat everything partially because I'm really hungry, and partially because I'm tired and don't eat mindfully.
Since mindfulness was one of my goals, I plan to break the cycle: I'll set out one thing for my snack, wait a bit, and if I'm still hungry, opt for an earlier dinner, perhaps.
Day 2:
Breakfast: eggs with dill, sauteed veggies (squash, onion, kale)
Lunch: leftover quinoa chili with avocado
Snacks: too many donut holes, dates and sunflower butter
Dinner: turkey and kale quinoa
Exercise: 5 mile run, 1-hour vinyasa yoga class
Day 3:
Breakfast: eggs with tomato/basil, sauteed veggies (mustard greens, onion, squash)
Lunch: turkey and kale quinoa and lettuce
Snacks: nuts, apple with almond butter, 1/2 barre3 bar, 2 rice cakes with hummus, dates
Dinner: Watermelon! (since I had a huge snack, I didn't need much dinner)
Exercise: 5 mile run (with my lady running group--always a nice mid-week event!), 60 min barre3 Shape online video (challenging, but fun!)
I was pretty tired when I got home from work and didn't feel much better after just sitting and chilling; however, after the video I felt more energized (though ready for bed!).
These first few days have been a bit rough, and though not totally successful, I feel like I'm hitting the stride of the challenge. I am coming back to my goals (by talking about all this here, I'm moving outside my comfort zone AND thinking about mindfulness!) and am happy that I'm taking care of my self with rest, delicious watermelon, and good exercise.
Monday, October 14, 2013
day 1
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| What I ate (mostly): steel cut oats, apple + tea, salad with veggies, quinoa chili |
Random thoughts: I ate some candy because I neglected to bring my snack (not that candy is bad, but I didn't really want the candy nor did I enjoy it, so...yeah). I came home and ate a bunch of snacks because I was so hungry. So, lesson learned, take your snack with you places.
Also, I made this miso tahini sauce from Smitten Kitchen and dumped some on top of roasted delicata squash, tofu, and broccoli, which I piled on a huge heap of lettuce I forgot to wash and subsequently realized was pretty gritty (Lesson 2: wash your lettuce). I ate it all happily, gladly, hungrily for lunch and skipped my normal coffee, which I didn't really need but wanted because I usually get afternoon coffee.
Also, rain. I like rain, though I didn't like forgetting all of my rain gear and being unable to get myself home. Oops.
The first day of challenges are ordinarily full of magic and excitement and delight, but maybe I wore myself out with all the weekend's cooking and the hype leading up to it. Ah, well. There's a whole month to be excited.
I will say, however, that prepping the food is super NICE--no cooking to satisfy the hungers! The steel cut oats I ate were cooked and frozen, so I popped 2 "oat bricks" into a saucepan this morning to heat up and feed L and I. And the quinoa chili was heated up on the stove easily and efficiently, and my lunch was pre-assembled the night before. Easy!
Now that my dinner's gone, it's time to get back to work...
Sunday, October 13, 2013
the preparation
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| Kitten doesn't prepare to do anything except sleep and murder |
Preparation is key to success--and with this challenge, preparation will make success easy. The big thing is preparing all of the recipes (or most), so that all I have to do next week is heat dishes up and perhaps add something to it. I took a look at the Barre3 Fall Challenge Menu last week, and over the course of the week, I procured groceries, cooked beans, and planned.
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| The week's menu (my printer was out) |
The preparation was heavy, but I think it'll save on time overall, and make it so that I don't eat random stuff because I'm tired and starving after a long day, and L will be happy too because there are delicious things to eat after a day of work (and for lunch!).
The recipes so far are great--full of flavor, satisfying, and chock full of veggies. Delightful.
Here's to the next 28 days of fun...now to get back to writing and teaching (without having to worry about cooking next week).
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