passing along the wisdom

I'm a pretty good cook. I mean, I can bake like a crazy person, and the food I make is consistently delicious.  However, I seem to fail at what might be one of the easiest desserts ever: rice pudding.

What's so hard about rice pudding? I have no idea. Essentially, I follow a recipe, but I end up with some not-awful-tasting-yet-not-creamy rice pudding stuff that just isn't appetizing. DAMN IT.

I'm not certain how many failed attempts at rice pudding occurred, but then I made rice pudding for L's mom...and it was another tasty-yet-crunchy rice dish. DAMN IT. She kindly gave me a recipe, however, that she said would solve all my woes.

So I made it. And it turned out deliciously, as she promised it would. It was easy and involved dumping things into a dish and baking until set. Success!

The secret it turns out is beginning with cooked rice. I made sure that rice was COOKED, like maybe a little overcooked, before proceeding. Then, creamy rice pudding appeared!

Anyway, all this got me thinking about the unlegitimated forms of knowledge that are frequently shared among women, either informally through conversation or, increasingly, via blog posts. Women are among the primary writers and readers of blogs, with the burst of mommy-blogs, cooking blogs, and other domesticity-related venues.  This knowledge goes unrecognized and is often dismissed, yet it demonstrates an interesting way that women continue to pass knowledge on to one another, and the gendered nature of communication and knowledge.  Suddenly recipe sharing and parenting advice can be elevated to something "more" when viewed through a different lens--these are powerful avenues of communication.

I often think that what is missing in our current approaches to parenting and the nuclear family is providing for networks of women (and men, I hope) to pass along experience, wisdom, and knowledge when it comes to more domestic matters, such as housekeeping and childraising. (I say men because men are increasingly stakeholders in domestic tasks, as I believe they ought to be).  When a family is reduced to just the parents and the kid, it moves parenting from a community-based, supported activity to one that is the sole--and often overwhelming--responsibility of one or two individuals.  It's part of what terrifies me about having children is the sense that I may not have a support network to help me navigate the exhausting and murky waters of pregnancy, childbirth, nursing, and raising a kid.

We need each other to make it all work, even if it's just getting a better recipe for rice pudding.

"It Finally Worked!" Rice Pudding

• 2 cups fully cooked rice (white or brown--I used brown Jasmine)
• 1/3 cup sugar (or less--I think I would have been happy with 1/4 cup. For this recipe, I used a mixture of white and brown sugar)
• 2 cups milk (I used a can of coconut milk)
• 2 eggs, whisked
• 1/2 c. raisins, currants, or dried cranberries
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract (I used vanilla and almond extract)
• 1/2 tsp salt
• spices: I added cinnamon, cardamom, nutmeg, ginger, and cloves to taste (really, cinnamon is the only thing needed
• other add ins, such as fruit (I baked it with some frozen peaches that needed used, or if you prefer simplicity, no fruit at all)

As you can see from all my addendums, rice pudding can be a blank slate for whatever you have around: all you really need is rice, milk, sugar, and eggs to make it work, though I feel that raisins or currants are a necessity. I might make a pumpkin version, which I'll share with you all when that happens. :)

Preheat oven to 350.

Take your cooked rice and mix it with the other ingredients in a 1.5 quart dish.  Place dish inside a larger pan with an inch or two of water.  Bake until the custard is set (i.e., the filling is solid).  Cool slightly, then enjoy the fact that you succeeded with a rice pudding.

birthday magic

Today is my 31st birthday. The day itself promises to be a little subdued, but only because we had a wild adventure over the weekend.  To wit:

• sketchy-ass "winery" near Carthage that we said "no" to and drove away;
• Osceola Cheese Factory, where I ate a LOT of cheese;
• drinking champagne out of plastic cups while crammed in the backseat of a car;
• crocheting a bottle holder while drinking champagne out of plastic cups;
• using the empty bottle to test out the bottle holder (it works!);
• stopping by Red Fox Winery on the way from cheese to KC;
• asking the guy guiding our wine tasting to open a bottle of wine for the rest of the drive to KC;
• meandering around KC, drinking coffee and visiting fancy grocery stores in the P&L district;
• located new ciders for me to drink;
• drinking free champagne in the lobby of the hotel after some drama getting in;
• more wandering around, but with gelato!
• going to eat at the fabulous Extra Virgin, which was incredible
• going to the arcade at the Alamo Drafthouse, where I got my ass handed to me by all the retro games (all the iterations of PacMan, Paperboy, and this strange game where I was serving Budweiser to patrons.)
• Some sleep!
• Brunch at Succotash, which was incredible and amazing and had gluten-free pancakes
• A bit of shopping at the Trader Joe's and World Market before we hit the road;
• Locating some new GF things at Trader Joe's;
• ...and, drinking wine/cider while crammed in the backseat of the car as I crocheted a new project on the way home
• Stop at the White Oak station in Rogers (we had mentioned it on the way up)

(Lest you think we were being irresponsible, let me assure you that our driver was totally sober, and Missouri has no open container laws, so we were totally legal.)

I can't believe how much we did in two days, and it was a blast. Not only did my friends plan this incredible outing and shower me with love and affection, but I can't think of a better to celebrate my birthday than cramming five adults over 30 into a car and acting like we were barely 21.  I think it ranks in the top 5 birthdays, for sure, perhaps even one of the best in recent memory.

However, with all that fun, and because I'm 31 now, I have basically been recovering today, which means the actual day of my birthday will be much more low-key. And I'm okay with that. Balance!

Thank you, friends, for the marvelous birthday.

stray observations (a post in bullets)

• I have traveled a lot over the summer. And by a lot, I mean in the past two months, I have been to too many states to count (okay: Kentucky, Massachusetts, New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Illinois, Iowa, Missouri, Texas, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia--14 states, 15 if you count Arkansas. Some of which were just journeying through, others were the end goal of the travel).
• When I went to Savannah, I saw so much cool art because of SCAD that I begun to feel inspired to work on creative stuff, including drawing, crafts, and photography.
• Family is pretty great. Seeing family that I haven't seen in a while is even greater.
• I am starting to see the value of regularly practicing yoga.
• I got my IRB accepted and have begun work on a project I've been needing to do for some time now.
• Kombucha is pretty delicious and seems to actually work on making my body happier!
• Dark chocolate caramels with sea salt from Central Market, mmmmmm...
• Pool time is awesome
• Reading a lot of feminist science texts makes me a bit irritable with the MAN. Or the system that we (especially academics) operate within.
• School is less than one month away *gulp*
• I'm looking forward to a little bit of relaxation time (although I'm not sure when that will be...)
• PROSPECTUS, in the works. I will begin writing and researching! :)

The better angels?

As I glanced through the NY Times headlines this morning, the title "Why Men Need Women" by Adam Grant popped up. Interesting, I thought, clicking through. What I would read there would so horrify me that it drove me to post about it here.

Grant begins somewhat innocuously: basically, research demonstrates that men surrounded by women are more kind and generous. There are several social explanations for this, and a social/cultural explanation seems to be one that needs exploring: the ways that we praise girls and women for cooperation and collaboration yet demean men as weak when they show the same qualities; the role of gender expectations, the fact that women could simply remind men to be a bit better because of all the cultural associations, not necessarily because of women's own inherent goodness and men's inherent depravity.

Grant's mistake, however, is reading these results not with an eye toward what they say about gender and the force of social expectations that govern male and female behavior, but instead as a perpetration of the Victorian myth of the "angel at the hearth." This idea that women gentled men, were the better angels, functioned to civilize and domesticate men, should have been tossed out as just another way of controlled female behavior and prevent women from moving outside the spheres of domesticity and Victorian femininity. Yet, here it remains under a new guise.

The first sign of trouble emerged when Grant argues

Daughters apparently soften fathers and evoke more caretaking tendencies. The speculation is that as we brush our daughters’ hair and take them to dance classes, we become gentler, more empathetic and more other-oriented.

Um, what? So, raising a son makes men less empathetic and other-oriented? There seems to be an logical gap here.  Is it the act of raising a daughter or the desire to demonstrate appropriate female behavior for one's daughter that leads to men to be "gentler, more empathetic, and more other-oriented"? My brow furrowed further as I continued reading:

SOCIAL scientists believe that the empathetic, nurturing behaviors of sisters rub off on their brothers.

Again, I felt a little bubble of frustration rise up.  Grant assumes that women are naturally nurturing and empathetic, not that our society pushes women to be as part of the package given to us called "gender expectations".  (Cordelia Fine examines these assumptions in her excellent book Delusions of Gender, where she shoots holes in the studies claiming to scientifically demonstrate that women are more empathetic--it turns out that women act more empathetic when they think that's what the researcher wants. In other words, they tailor their behavior to the context when they are made to believe that gendered behavior is being examined). Gender expectations are powerful concepts, which we're rarely even conscious of; they shape our behavior subtly and powerfully.  While it makes sense that men who grow up more around women might alter their behavior to match those around them, it's dangerous to phrase it in terms of essential human nature. After all, if men can change their "basic nature," then surely women's actions are also malleable? This would seem to thus imply that male and female behavior are both highly context-driven--our behavior is directly affected by our social and cultural context, not our essential natures.

And finally, Grant places all women up on a pedestal as kind, generous, lovely ladies instead of socialized human beings (after all, bitchy, ambitious women are punished while ambitious men are rewarded--women avoid ambition or even sounding like they care about ambition).  He claims

We recognize the direct advantages that women as leaders bring to the table, which often include diverse perspectives, collaborative styles, dedication to mentoring and keen understanding of female employees and customers. But we’ve largely overlooked the beneficial effects that women have on the men around them. Is it possible that when women join top management teams, they encourage male colleagues to treat employees more generously and to share knowledge more freely? Increases in motivation, cooperation, and innovation in companies may be fueled not only by the direct actions of female leaders, but also by their influence on male leaders.

 This is the icing on the cake: women have moved from being the domestic angel to the work angels, reminding men not to be absolute dicks (woe unto the women who refuse to engage in this gender-appropriate behavior and dare to strive for goals and be ambitious like men). Victorian era redux.

To be fair, Grant thinks he is showing how women have an advantage. But what he fails to see is that by not contextualizing these findings within ideas of gender expectations, social and cultural influences, and how we construct women as the idealized human, he is simply perpetrating the myth that women are forces of good while men are damaging, ambitious brutes.

Instead, what I would have like to see is an argument taking these results and questioning how we can make it more acceptable for men to be generous and empathetic. Perhaps the presence of women gives me a way out of conforming to the male stereotypes of aggression and ambition--so how can we then enable men to be these things without that presence? Additionally, how can we move past the expectation that women should be--perhaps even must be--gentle, collaboration, and empathetic to enable them to succeed more fully? I want our society to be more generous and work together more often, but not at the price of essentializing women in a way that blocks them from advancement and success.

efff you, facebook

Don't get me wrong, I think Facebook can be dead useful for all kinds of things, like posting pictures of my cat, stalking friends I don't see, looking at pictures of babies, and organizing events.  Lately, however, I realize how much time I spend staring at FB instead of say, writing on this blog. Or talking to the friends whose posts I stalk. Or doing anything else besides staring at a damn computer screen.

But the straw that broke the camel's back was the onslaught of ridiculousness following the George Zimmerman verdict. I'd been staring at FB posts with unease for some time. After all, I'm friends with lots of people with varied opinions about the world (which is great), but sometimes those opinions are ill-informed, poorly argued, or simply posted out of fear and hatred. The recent posts amplified all that, and the aggregate was simply more than I could bear.

With disgust, I shut down the FB window and informed L of my intention to ignore FB for the next two weeks. I'll pop briefly every so often to make sure no one messaged me or posted to my wall, but for the most part, I won't post anything, I won't interact with folks there, and I won't read posts.

My point here is not to elicit any come back to facebook!! replies but to work out why I feel so down on FB lately. It may be that I need to dump people off my list, or perhaps I'm realizing that the often unhealthy constant checking of FB is not conducive to the more positive mental well-being I'm trying to cultivate.  Perhaps I'm seeing how much time I waste passively consuming information rather than directly communicating with friends or even actively writing on this blog.

It's an experiment I hope to document: how has my life improved without FB stealing my minutes. Or without the annoyance of wanting to scream at people I normally love interacting with. Or being bombarded by constant reminders about how horrible the world can be.

Whatever the reason driving me away, I depart with a stamp of my foot, a finger raised aggressively in the general direction of the world.  So long FB. You kinda suck right now.

the promises of the yoga mat

I eye my yoga mat, rolled out and waiting for me to step on it. Yet, I hesitate. So many talk about yoga as powerful, as a practice that transcends and moves outside simple physical fitness, but I'm not sure. There's something to yoga, I think, but I seem unable to access it.  Instead of walking onto the mat, I roll it up and clean the house. Tomorrow, perhaps, I'll give it a try.

***************
As I traveled all over this past month, I've been reading books from the massive TO READ pile. (Now that my qualifying exams are done, I can justify reading something NOT for my doctorate. For a month, anyway).  I borrowed May I Be Happy by Cyndi Lee from my friend K (and yoga teacher/inspiration), and I had borrowed Poser by Claire Dederer from another friend who began yoga feeling skeptical but fell in love.  As I read both of these books, I began digging into why I was resistant to the idea of yoga, why I shied away from it when everything I encountered would indicate that it would be something worthwhile to practice.

Lately, I've been feeling like I need to work on other parts of my health, examining my emotional/mental well-being as well as my physical body. I have finally been running regularly and incorporating a bit more strength training in, but something felt a bit off. My reading of these two books about yoga might seem coincidental, but they got me thinking about what I might be missing.

As I worked through May I Be Happy, I realized that I'm a little afraid of opening myself up to yoga. I'm afraid my body isn't good enough and that yoga will expose it as weak and unworthy. That because I'm inflexible in certain parts of my body that yoga will always be a struggle, and I'd never be able to feel anything but frustration and discomfort. But something Lee says resonated with me: Yoga is what you do with the body you have today. It's something I've heard before, but there's no such thing as having the "right" body, or even the ability to do the "right" pose. It's beyond that--even if I can't make myself look like the twiggy Yoga Journal model, that doesn't mean that the pose is wrong or my body is wrong or that I should feel frustrated.

Viewing yoga as a chance to explore my body, to concentrate not on physical fitness but also awareness shifted my anxiety away. I began to feel a bit more eager, to see what I could discover about myself, to link physical movement to thought and emotion. That sounded pretty cool.

*****************
I borrowed the mat from my sister-in-law, since I left mine behind at home. Rolling it out next to the bed in the spare bedroom, I began making my way through the sun salutations and the standing sequence. As my body warmed up, I began to relax and enjoy the poses, linking breath to physical movement. By the time I finished, I felt a measure of calm. Perhaps this yoga stuff is worth pursuing a bit more.  Perhaps I will.

The beginning of the summer

It's basically the first day of summer. Even though graduate students are never supposed to take breaks, I love the feeling of having nothing scheduled, no obligations other than my own work, no one making demands of my time. If I want to take my work to the park with a fabulous friend, I can.

It's amazing the weight that is lifted off my shoulders by finishing the spring semester. I had a good one, by all accounts: incredibly busy, but I got to teach an excellent class, present at a top-notch conference, begin working toward publications, and nearing the end of my preparation for candidacy.  But despite all the good I experienced last semester, it feels great to sleep in, rearrange my schedule as I feel like, and pause to blog a bit.

At the end of this month, I'll begin the first half of my candidacy exams: qualifiers, comps, whatever you want to call them. Basically, I'll be locked in my carrel in the library for 72 hours, typing as much as I can in response to two questions. Until then, I'll be frantically reading. I've been reading about language, composition pedagogy, and rhetoric of science--theory, theory, and more theory. But I love it--there's so much knowledge in my head, and so many ideas of how to use that knowledge.

After I take the exams (and assuming I pass), I'll begin work on my dissertation prospectus, which I intend to defend before the start of the fall semester.  I'm moving right along, and beginning to really feel like a full-blown academic professional, a scholar. I love it.

This summer, though, I'm looking forward to having time to do my own work, explore my newfound drive for reading and writing, and getting publications out.  Without the burden of teaching and with the flexibility that summer enables.

new forms of exercise

10 years ago (this summer), I took up running. At first, it was a few laps, then it was a mile. Then a few miles. Then I ran 5ks, then a 10k, then a half-marathon. Then I was a running crazy person.  Finally, I ran a marathon (a year ago today), and sealed my identity as a runner.  I am a runner.

10 years is a long time, and it wasn't until like, last week that it struck me that I've been running for 10 years. Wow.

In all that time, though, I haven't ever stuck with any other exercise consistently. I dabbled in yoga (still try to), I took swim lessons (have been trying to swim a bit more lately). I ride my bike, but usually just to get me from A to B. Running is the only thing that really stuck, though, and it's what helped me maintain an over-50 lb weight loss for the past 10 years (yep!)  I know that I need to cross-train, to strength-train, to really be at peak fitness, but I've never found anything else like running. Something that really clicked.

Today, I have begun to take up a new form of exercise, and it's one I hope will stick.  I started my Foundations class for CrossFit. When LS took up CrossFit a year ago, I listened with awe, skepticism, and a smidgen of envy.  She was very fit and strong, and I...well, I could barely do push ups.  But listening to how much she loved it stuck with me.

At the beginning of January, I decided to do Jillian Michael's Ripped in 30 DVD.  At first it was hard.  I called her an evil bitch.  Then I started noticing definition not only on my arms, but on my abs, butt, and all other places. What? Better yet, I was stronger and felt stronger.  I was hooked.

Last week, then, I sent an email to LS asking if she'd take me with her to do CrossFit. Yes!!! she said, enthusiastically.  She was excited to share something she loved so much with someone new.

I went to gym, expecting to be surrounded by burly dudes flexing their beefy arms, but that wasn't the case. There were lots of women, all shapes and sizes (some super fit and muscular, some who looked more like me!). The atmosphere was relaxed. It was so much better than the school gym I had just been at earlier that day, where tons of coltish, waifish girls with long pony tails and baggy shirts bounced by, sweat-free after their turn on the elliptical, while I stank and sweated and dripped after my 4 miles on the treadmill. I slunk out, avoiding eye contact, feeling a little out of place.

This gym, it was a different place. No one was made up; everyone was there to work, and work hard. I felt bad because I was doing a baby workout, so I was barely sweating as the others collapsed to the floor, drenched.  Not only that, the workouts were lively and fun. No time to get bored when you're counting and trying to get as many reps out as possible in 8 minutes!

LS and her boyfriend came over for dinner afterwards, and I gushed. I really liked it, and I wanted to keep doing it.

That brings me to today: my first Foundations class. Before they turn you loose to do the regular workouts, because there's lots of complicated moves and form is so key to not getting hurt, they ask everyone to do a 2 week class. Since I'm risk-adverse by nature, this was right up my alley.  I gathered with other new CrossFitters and learned that today, we would be learning one of the most complicated moves in CrossFit: the power clean.  (Not my first day!) It's a move with a bar, where you pop the bar up and snap your wrists underneath...well, just check out the link (not as much squatting in CF).

We did them over and over again, and at first it was weird and awkward and I was too tentative and kept overthinking it all.  When we did our mini-workout at the end (power clean practice and jumping lunges or "nasties"), I started to get the feel for how to use the motion from popping my hips and kind of coming up on my toes to get the bar up, and then to snap my wrists into the final position.  I think I'll let it sink in a bit, and see what happens--it's probably something that takes a while to really fully get, but I think I'm starting to.

I hope it's not a crazy thing to get into. But after the class, I got to talking to one of my fellow newbies, and she was super cool. Everyone I've met seems really nice and encouraging. And I think that I'm going to really enjoy adding it to my running.

snow crazy

Snow means lots of things in my book.

Today, it meant that I got to watch as the powdery stuff fell from the sky and covered the ground while I met with 12 11 students in a row without a break.  It meant that as I finished meeting with those students (happily and filled with coffee! Bottomless cups at Arsaga's are awesome!!), I got to hear others tell me that the university closed at 2, which meant that I didn't have to work my tutoring shift.

Which meant that I worked my tutoring shift remotely (online appointments) on my new sofa with the cat in my lap instead.

 This is an ideal arrangement, really. The new sofa is soft and comfortable, and both the cat and I are a little obsessed with sitting in it, even if it doesn't quite fit the best in our living room.

Snow also means doing fun things. Like cooking dinner and drinking wine/cocktails and having friends over.  Unfortunately, I no longer live within walking distance (as in, all my friends live in the same apartment complex--Duckpond FOREVER), so we all had to pretend like we were hanging out together, which meant making cocktails and texting each other about what we were eating and drinking.

 I don't know that we'll have school tomorrow, though it doesn't really matter to me--I plan to still go up to campus to meet a few students and do some school work.

All I know is that this Lillet cocktail is delicious, and I am sad that I could not share them with other people (besides L, who was happy to drink it).  But I can share them with you, here. And if you came over, I would mix you a Snow Cocktail and try to convince you to walk with us as snow swirls around our slightly inebriated selves.

Snow Cocktail

• 4 oz. Lillet (Rose)
• 4 oz. freshly squeezed grapefruit juice
• 2 oz. gin

Put all ingredients into a cocktail shaker with ice and shake until well chilled. Pour into two glasses and sip while waiting for the snow to fall so that you can go on a snow walk, as is tradition when it snows at night.

the allure, the possibilities, and the failure of gluten-free beers

Before I discovered that wheat/gluten made me ill, I drank beer often. It's just the right thing to have when you come home from working and want something refreshing. Or after a long hard run, to have a beer with dinner.

One of the signs that led to my figuring out that wheat/gluten were making me sick is that I would feel terrible if I had beer the night before, so clearly something was in it that was irritating my stomach.  So beer went out with the wheat, and I have been sad ever since.  Cider just isn't the same (although, there are some tasty ones).

So when our friend D (who also has discovered that gluten is a problem) let us know that he had purchased a plethora of gluten-free beers, I was excited, almost giddy. I had recently read this article discussing gluten-free beer possibilities, and I wanted to try them for myself.  We gathered together to try them.  What we discovered, however, is that most beers brewed without barley are not good, at least not in the way that we're used to thinking about good beer. Sad.

1.) Omission Lager

While we didn't get to try the Omission Pale Ale, D assured us it was as good as the lager.  As the first beer we tried, it ended up setting the bar high for the others, and they never attained the same level.  Upon the first sip, my brain said, "Ahhhhhh....beer!" It was beer, crisp with a nice bite.  D pointed out that it tasted like a good homebrew lager, a decent middle-of-the-road brew.  It was thoroughly inoffensive, nothing remarkable--unless you haven't had a beer in a while. Then it tastes incredible.

As the NPR article I linked above points out, Omission is not 100% gluten-free because they brew with barley, then remove much of the gluten using an enzyme.  For folks like me who aren't super-sensitive, you won't notice the effects of the bit of gluten that remains.  However, if you're very sensitive, I would avoid this one.  It will be one that I would happily purchase and drink.

2.) New Planet Off Grid Pale Ale

Pale ales are good (to me) because they have a nice bitterness to them.  From aroma to finish, however, this beer failed to be a pale ale.  We all took a whiff before sipping and were a little put off by the aroma, which was not beery at all and actually a little unpleasant.  The first sip hit my tongue with the bitter I wanted, but then the sweet flavor of sorghum overwhelmed and lingered in my mouth.  I kept sipping, hoping it would be okay, but especially after drinking the Omission, I didn't want to finish the small portion in my glass.  The comments: "Not right," "not worth it," and my favorite from L: "Its a beer you try to convince yourself is okay and keep drinking because you ordered it." Definitely not a beer I would willing purchase or drink.

3.) New Planet Tread Lightly

After the first New Planet was so horrible, we were nervous to try this one, but it was actually a bit better than the Off Grid Pale Ale.  My initial reaction was that it wasn't too bad. Light and refreshing, it seemed like the kind of beer you'd want to drink after being outside on a hot day.  D was a bit frustrated, however, by the sweet finish (the result of brewing with sorghum).  I noticed that as I drank, the aftertaste/finish worsens.  None of the three of us enjoy the sorghum flavor in beer, which is the flavor that I disliked in the Bard's Foxtail, and Redbridge sorghum/GF beers I've had in the past.  Ultimately, I wouldn't purchase either of these beers, though I might drink the Tread Lightly if it were offered as the only GF option at a party.

4.) Lakefront Brewery New Grist Beer

This beer was a surprise.  Expecting the same cloying, too sweet sorghum flavor to override any of the tasty beer flavors, sipping this one was actually nice.  On the bottle, it claims that it is "a crisp and refreshing session beer made from sorghum and rice extract," but the sorghum wasn't too overwhelming and the flavor was indeed refreshing.  It actually tasted the most like beer!  While it wasn't the deep, bitter, flavorful beer I miss, it was light and had a nice fruity finish.  While a little sweet, it was tasty.  I would drink this beer happily, though as L pointed out, I probably wouldn't order another. This is a beer I could definitely drink again.

5.) Green's Endeavor Dubbel Dark Ale

We had high hopes for this beer. Just look at the color and the head on the pour.  I was excited because all of the GF beers I'd encountered so far were on the lighter end of the spectrum, but my favorite beers are the dark ones: stouts and porters. This one (and the other two Green's I'll review below) is made with millet, buckwheat, rice, sorghum, hops and Belgium yeast, attempting to bring the same Belgium standard to the world of GF beers. We eagerly took up our glasses and...encountered the familiar sweet aroma (not beer!) of sorghum.  D declared that this was not a dubbel, and he hated it. I was okay with it, but I found it too sweet. (You may notice a theme throughout these reviews).  I wouldn't buy this one or drink this again--it was a disappointment.

D is angry and disappointed.

6.) Green's Tripel Blonde Ale

We had been crushed and disappointed by all the beers, so by this point, we weren't expecting much.  When we poured this one out, we noted the nice appearance, and when we lifted the beer to drink, the aroma that greeted us was better than the Endeavor, subtle.  It was definitely sweeter than a normal beer, but it wasn't horrible.  D pointed out that it had a cider flavor, and if you think of it in terms of cider, it definitely isn't too disappointing.  As I kept drinking it, it got better.  The finish was definitely that same sorghum sweet-flavor that doesn't belong in a beer.  I might drink it again, but I'm unlikely to seek it out.

7.) Green's Amber Ale

Wearied by our tasting efforts, we poured the final beer out.  Once again, we noticed how pretty it looked.  I sipped, and was delighted by the delicious bitter.  Yes? Maybe? Then...the sorghum sweet flavor crept in and destroyed it.  As D pointed out, "it's good...if you don't stop drinking."  As we continued to sip, I noticed that it definitely improved, and seemed to be a solid and passable beer.  Out of the three Green's beers we tried, it is probably the winner.  While I might not seek it out over the other beers that I preferred (the Omission and the New Grist), I would drink it again.

Overall, the beer tasting was interesting and educational.  I figured out that part of the problem is that D and I actively drank good, quality beers, and so we have that standard in mind, which simply cannot apply to GF beers.  They are a completely different beast.  So while most of the beers were a little disappointing, perhaps they were only disappointing if you are/were a beer enthusiast.  

We found much to critique about these beers, and I can only hope that as people experiment with recipes and brewing techniques that the beers will improve.  L, D, and I all decided that we wanted to take a stab at making our own to see if we could potentially find a way to attain a drinkable beer that didn't have the overwhelming sorghum taste.  Because sorghum does have a lot of sugars to brew with, it's obvious why it's a popular choice for brewers.  For us, however, the sorghum was the ingredient that left a bad taste in our mouths and a desire for something decidedly more beer-like.  Perhaps we can find a way to make that happen.

in the land of gluten-free delights

I was eager to head to Little Rock this weekend, mostly to spend time with people we love to hang out with (and to meet a sharebro!), but also partly because I could check out the Dempsey Bakery. Specializing in gluten-free goodies (breads and baked goods of all kinds!), they also serve lunch.  We met up with some of the Dempseys while we were there, and we enjoyed sandwiches and samples of cookies and breads. We even got to take a little tour of the bakery.

It was fun. The sandwich I got (the Caprese) was delicious, and the bread was hearty and had a lovely texture. I've been avoiding most GF breads because a.) I feel uncomfortable eating something on a regular basis that's full of gums and starches and all other things, b.) I've found that tortillas are a good alternative, c.) it turns out that I do better eating fewer processed bread products, and d.) they are expensive.  And, oh yeah...picking up the loaves felt like picking up a stale hunk of stuff.

The Dempsey Bakery bread pretty well approximated a nice grainy wheat bread and had good flavor (disclosure: I haven't had a lot of GF bread, but the few times I've had it out, it's tasted a bit dry).  I brought a loaf home to keep in the freezer in case I get a hankering for some bread with some soup or something.

We tasted several flavors of cookies (lemon, snickerdoodle, chocolate, and chocolate chip) and cakes (chocolate chip pound cake, lemon blueberry, hot milk cake), and a bit of brownie and danish. All fabulous. We bought a chocolate espresso brownie to take home along with some cookies.  Yum.

At the end, though, I came to a realization: even though I delighted in the fact that I was freed from the horrible stomach ache and other reactions that come with eating wheat, I still can't have even gluten-free goodies in large doses. By the time we left the bakery, I'd had enough sweets and breads to leave me both groggy and flying high on sugar. I ended up taking a nap later that afternoon.

I've gotten used to eating relatively few processed carbs (tortillas here and there), and most of my carbohydrates have been from fruit and whole grains, so the starches and flours hit my system hard.  And I didn't enjoy the feeling too much.  As I continue to feel free from the cloud and various wheat reactions, I've been taking a lot of joy in a renewed ability to understand the way my body reacts to different things I eat, and it clearly does not appreciate being hit with all the sugar and starch and refined grains.

When I'm in Little Rock, I'll probably swing by the bakery to pick up a few treats, but I'll probably refrain from eating quite so many samples.  And I'll remember: even if it's gluten-free, it doesn't mean that I can eat more than a nibble.  However, if you're in Little Rock, you should check them out! Their stuff is among the best I've had so far in my gluten-free wanderings.

GF Cooking/baking Experiments

I've been slowly venturing into the world of gluten free baking. Part of the problem is that I feel uncomfortable swapping wheat flour for the long list of flours/gums/starches that you have to use to replicate flour. And since I've been eating so many fewer sweets since cutting wheat out, I feel that perhaps it's for the best anyway.  (I'm also reluctant to use mixes or buy pre-made versions--if I didn't eat a lot of processed stuff before, why would I start now?)  I've also given away all of my beloved baking books (except for one--it's a handy reference guide).

No real recipes (yet), but a bunch of handy links to recipes for my GF/curious readers.

The recipes I have been seeking out, then, have been simple ones with few ingredients.  The first recipe I stumbled on inadvertently was this one for Tapioca Parmesan Rolls, which was super easy and super delicious. Since I forgot to take a baked picture (because they disappeared so fast, here's the dough:

If you've ever made cream puffs (or pate a choux), it's very similar, and the resulting roll is bready, cheesy, and light. They are a little eggy, but I like them that way. I halved the recipe, because it was hard to give up a full cup of the delicious (but pricey) Parmesan that I get from our co-op.

The next experiment was with a similar dough but slightly different ingredients. It turns out that these Parmesan rolls are actually a variation on a Brazilian cheese bread. Ooh, neat! I found this recipe on the King Arthur Flour site, and L made them the other day. They are a bit more dense (and we baked them in a muffin tin because the dough was a bit too wet, as the blog entry discussing this recipe mentions they might, depending on the type of tapioca flour/starch you use. Here's a picture of the rolls with the lovely dinner we had the other night: (spatchcocked Cornish game hens with cabbage and braised radishes).

Delightful. These were a bit less eggy, but were also delicious (I won't tell you how many I ate, especially after a few glasses of wine). The recipe is a keeper, though I won't make them super often because they do take a lot of cheese, but they're a good roll recipe to have on hand for get togethers or holidays.

I tried to make a GF banana bread, which was acceptable, but I'm not happy with the recipe yet. Part of it might be that I'm not so used to the grainer/grittier taste of gluten-free baked goods, part of it was that I forgot to add in delicious things like nuts and raisins to the bread. I'll share the recipe once I figure it out a bit better.

Finally, today I made these crackers from Oh She Glows--seedy crackers are lovely, and now that I've made them, super easy. The one adjustment I might make to her recipe is to make them a bit thinner--I like them less thick, I guess. But they are fabulous, especially with the hummus I made using Deb's technique that she shared over at Smitten Kitchen--peeling your chickpeas.

That's been about it for my cooking adventures. It's actually been a lot of fun navigating the different ways of eating, trying to recipes and foods, and it's pretty easy to not look back and what I have had to give up (especially now that I feel SO much better).  It was a little sad to be at Little Bread Co. today as L partook of their delightful scones--I will miss all of their wonderful baked treats. But not as much as I love the healthier me.

a month without wheat

It's been over a bit over month since I've eaten wheat regularly, but it's been almost a month to the day that I first learned that wheat/gluten is what's been making me feel so bad. So what has changed since then?  So, so much.

After the initial shock (and with the support of my awesome friends), life has been good. I find myself not worrying about if what I eat is going to make me sick. I can tell my body is healing from the prolonged irritation that wheat was causing (I'm guessing about a year--that was when I first began having big issues, but there were signs of a sensitivity long before that).

In fact, now that my system isn't irritated, I can have more than one drink without feeling like I was clubbed over the head the next day. I can now eat bacon.  My body feels better, lighter, more satisfied. A lot of the issues I had with overeating? Waaaaay diminished. I notice when my body feels full, and I stop eating. I don't get crazy hungry anymore. And, best of all, very infrequent reflux issues!

With all these positive changes, it's hard to feel depressed about not eating gluten ever again. Yes, I'll miss all those delightful beers (though I may have a sip here and there--GF beer just isn't nearly as good or varied).  I'll miss making cupcakes and cookies and desserts and sharing and eating them.  But, I've been exploring new forms of cooking, which is fun. I've even figured out a decent (and simple!) roll recipe that I'll share soon.

I feel that if this had to happen to anyone, I was the best candidate. When people ask me what I can eat now, I want to laugh a little--I feel like I didn't really have to change too much in how I ate normally. I cut out bread and pastries and baked goods, but I already ate rice and quinoa and other tasty GF grains. I drink cider now instead of beer (or wine/champagne/martinis).  I end up eating tons more vegetables. Eating out is a little tricky, but I end up making better, more satisfying food choices. I cook more. I eat less. I read labels like crazy, then end up not buying the processed thing because I'm forced to determine if there's wheat hidden...then decide that I'm better off without it and its dozens of ingredients.  I feel free, freed from all that has plagued me, even things I didn't know were problems until they weren't.

Weirdly, I've even gotten a little more flexible (maybe because the inflammation in my system is going down?).

All this change in just a month--crazy! I know that my body is still healing, and I've been taking steps to remove other bad stuff from my diet and environment in order to continue to heal and unearth this happy, contented person (who feels good about food!) that I've been seeing in the mirror lately.  It might have been a big shock and a little upsetting, but it's actually been a huge gift.

welcome to the new year

I love New Year's Resolutions. I know that everyone thinks you shouldn't really do them, they set you up for failure, blahblahblah...but the allure of being able to say, "this year, I have plans and goals" is pretty empowering. And usually, I don't pick anything too crazy or anything. I just enjoy having the ability to feel like I'm starting afresh, tackling a new challenge, and making my life a little bit more awesome than it already is.

My big goal for this year is to do something about my clothes buying habits. Despite my meager income, I love buying clothes I don't necessarily need. Maybe it's because I didn't get to buy pretty things or wear stylish clothes when I was a teenager, but since I've been out on my own, clothes are something I spend a lot of money on.

However, that's going to change. This year, I'm resolving to buy no new clothes. None at all. I did an inventory of my closet, and I have plenty of skirts, pants, tops, sweaters, and dresses, not to mention underthings and tights and socks. I'm good on running/workout clothes as well. So I can't imagine needing anything new for both casual or professional wear.

The few loopholes I'm allowing myself: I can make new clothes for myself (or refashion existing things in my wardrobe) if the materials I use are already in my possession. (Except for things like zippers...if I need small things to finish out a project, that's okay).  Basically, no new yarn or fabric buying either.

The other little loophole I'm allowing myself (to make this goal not unfeasible or impossible) involves thrift shops. If, once a month (or every other month), I start to get an itch to shop, I'll go to a thrift store with $10. And spend no more than that sum. Ideally, I'll take a friend and it'll be a time for bonding and fun times, not wanton consumerism.  I have so many lovely clothes that I can wear and my budget/pocketbook will thank me for saving the funds and putting it toward something else, like books or my savings account or a new kitten.

My other resolutions/goals are pretty mundane, really. Run another marathon this year, continue to run regularly, continue to eat healthfully, etc. (The eating has gotten a lot easier with the discovery that I can't eat wheat, which is pretty awesome. I'll post about how that's going soon).  They aren't really resolutions in that I've already been doing them.  The big one will be: take and pass my comps (written and oral) before the end of summer.  Duhduhduh!  Scary. But I can do it because if there's anything I'm good at, it's reading and writing about what I read.

What is a christmas movie?

Around the holidays, I usually put on Little Women as I work on various projects. It's firmly a Christmas movie in mind. So when L asked if I wanted a Christmas movie, I said, "Hey, Little Women." "That's not a Christmas movie," he replied.  However, he has claimed in the past (and I'll actually agree with him) that Die Hard is totally a Christmas movie.

What makes something a Christmas movie anyway? If it has a bit of Christmas in it, is it then meant to be associated with the holiday season? Is Die Hard  really a Christmas movie?

When I was in college, each Winter Break, I'd return to my parents' house.  My mom and I would do Christmas-y things, like set up the tree and bake. And, inevitably, we'd always watch Little Women.  For me, the movie is associated with time spent with my mom and Christmas, and it does have Christmas for about half the movie.  So every year, I watch it at least once around Christmas while I'm working on addressing cards or knitting or any of my other crafts.

Besides, if Die Hard is a Christmas movie, Little Women definitely is.

a wheat-less existence

Now that I've figured out that wheat is the root of some of my issues, I feel a sense of relief. No more wondering if what I eat is going to make me feel bad--it seems that as long as it has no wheat, I'm safe, at least so far.

I was initially angry and in denial. But then I had some friends leave me encouraging notes--I reached out and talked to them both and made plans with the friend who lives near to go to lunch at a GF place (yum).  Then last night, my very sweet and wonderful friends brought me all manner of wheat-free goodies, including apple cider and crackers and wafers. (The cider and crackers were tasty, the wafers kinda weird with their potato flour.)

I went to a potluck yesterday and ate only healthy things, so wheat-free is also mostly going to mean eating a lot healthier at functions--veggies and fruits and other nice things.

And I've already ventured into new kinds of baking.  I baked these delicious cookies from Oh She Glows: Crispy Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies.  I modified them a by substituting almond butter in for the peanut butter (we have a giant thing of it, so why buy PB if I don't need to?), and they were really good. We hosted a Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring viewing last night, and they were completely gone by the end of the night.  Don't skip the little sprinkle of salt after they're done baking--it really adds a nice element to them.

Luckily, I feel like it's not going to be a huge adjustment to our way of eating. We already eat lots of veggies and wheat-free foods, and since I'm no longer a vegetarian (if I still were, I would definitely not be now), I still have lots of delicious things I can eat. And plus one for me: it'll keep me clear of the trigger foods that I tend to overeat.  It's also more difficult to find a random nibble while out and about, which I usually don't really need anyway.  And Lance has already launched into cooking mode, finding recipes for flat breads and other things I can have to replace the bread he enjoys making.

I'm looking at it more as an adventure now instead of a burden. Holidays might be a bit tough, but we always bring dishes to family gatherings and help cook, so even that won't be too much of a challenge. And I'll get to play around with and experiment with new ways of cooking, baking, and eating.  Fun!

what? no cupcakes?

For as long as I can remember, I have had acid reflux.  At some point, as I learned to eat healthier, I learned what the major triggers were and began avoiding those foods and no longer had much trouble with it.

Recently, though, I was finding myself with stomach aches and worsening acid reflux. I felt miserable. I thought it was connected to eating sugar (and some of the other triggers), but when K. suggested that I might be experiencing a reaction to wheat, I decided to try no wheat for a couple of weeks, along with sugar and other processed grains.  Even though I was sure wheat wasn't the problem, I felt pretty great.

I honestly didn't think it was wheat. But then I ate half a falafel sandwich (on pita) and some fries and felt bad.  Well, falafel and fries are fried, and fried foods have always been a trigger. Then I ate a couple of cookies yesterday (I baked for the last day of class!) and felt bad.  Well, those cookies have lots of butter and sugar, which I always thought were triggers. (Even though I'd eaten chocolate the day before problem).

The plan was to test to see if something without sugar or oil (but with wheat) would cause a reaction. I was positive that it wouldn't--surely, there's nothing wrong.  Why would I suddenly be experiencing symptoms? (K explained how sensitivities can develop, but I was in denial).  So I ate a hearty bowl of wheat flakes and then waited.  Fifteen minutes later, I had a stomach ache and was completely uncomfortable.  It was miserable. After the stomach ache faded, I felt (still feel) lethargic and drained.

After googling, I found some sites that talked about a connection between wheat and acid reflux. Not a lot of scholarly stuff, but it seems that something's going on with me and that wheat is the cause.  It makes sense with my symptoms, though.

I'm pretty upset about it, but also glad that perhaps I found a way to feel better without taking acid reducers or other medications.  And perhaps it will be an opportunity to explore a new way of cooking (though I'm planning to stay away from most heavily-processed wheat-free stuff).  Once the dismay fades (and I know I will still be able to make stuff for other people to enjoy...), I think I'll be all right.

Off to do more research...and try not to be too glum about being unable to enjoy Christmas cookies or Little Bread Company bagels or Lance's homemade bread.

Thankful

Several FB friends posted things they were thankful for all throughout November.  I liked the idea, generally, so I decided to reflect on things I'm thankful right here.

1. I'm thankful that I have the opportunity/resources to go visit my family and friends over Thanksgiving Break.  I got to see one of my brothers, my sister-in-law, and my darling niece, who was all over the place, talking and playing. We played a lot together, and even though I didn't get as much work done as I wanted, I didn't mind so much.  I also got to see some of my best friends in the whole world and spend lots of time with them too.  A wonderful week.

2.  I'm thankful for a supportive, caring partner. He's generous, sweet, and an amazing person to come home to--I can't imagine finding a better person to be with.

3.  I'm thankful for my health.  While I've been having some stomach aches/reflux issues lately (boo!), I'm still generally healthy.  I'm rarely ill and get plenty of sleep (usually) and eat well and am a healthy weight.

4. On a related note, I'm thankful for my physical ability. That I can a run a sub-4 hour marathon, a 23:45 5k, that I can randomly go out for a speedy 9 miler with my brother and feel great afterwards.  I'm thankful that I can do push ups and have a strong, flexible back. I'm even thankful for my tight hamstrings and other tight parts of me because they give me a challenge to work toward in yoga and the knowledge that limitations can also be doors to better things.

5. I'm thankful to be in school, to be teaching, to do be doing what I love, even if sometimes it's stressful and frustrating and I don't always feel like I'm on track.

6. I'm thankful for my life here in Fayetteville, the wonderful friends I have, to be generally close to most family members. To be able to talk to those who are far.

7.  I'm thankful for my snuggly kitty, even when she bites me. She's warm and furry and comforting in the winter.

8.  I'm thankful for my house--although it's small and a bit crowded sometimes, it's cozy and full of who we are.  I'm thankful that we live close enough to things in my town that I can ride my bike or walk many places.

9.  I'm thankful for access to delicious food: local produce, quality ingredients, a garden for fresh things, nice restaurants.

10. And, finally, I'm thankful that I'm able to be myself. I'm thankful for all of the love and support I feel daily, that I never feel alone in the world, that I have lots of friends and family members who have my back.  I'm thankful that even if we don't always agree, I can be myself around my family.  I'm thankful to know that where ever I end up after I graduate, that while I will be able to make new friends, I will still maintain relationships with those near and far.

I have a lot to be thankful for--it's a good, satisfying life I have.

the joy of running

I somehow, inexplicably didn't run all week.  I know why--I was furiously, crazily busy. I was trying to meet with students, do my own work, finish up projects, read student work, etc.  When I came home, I'd prepare dinner (or lay on the couch while L did) or go straight to bed.  I'd get up early to work.  In the end, though I'd intend to run, it'd get shuffled in favor of sleeping more or working more.

And I missed it.

Worse yet, my body doesn't take well to a lack of running.  The first few days, my legs feel refreshed.  I had run 12 miles on Sunday, so I felt pretty good until Wednesday.  Then I began to feel achy, sore.  My legs hurt. Even though I was biking, it just wasn't enough.

Each day, the aches in my legs got worse.  They felt tight and sore and awful.  All I wanted to do was lace up my shoes and hit the pavement, but I kept getting distracted.

Today, I finally got outside.  It was a glorious day, the perfect temperature. The sun was out and the air was crisp, fresh, and the humidity was low.  I started out just intending to run 4 since I slacked all week...but it felt so good that when I hit the 2 mile mark, I just kept going.  I turned around at 3 to get in 6 miles total.  At first my legs complained a little, but I hit my stride about a mile in and it felt AWESOME.

Running, in other words, is getting higher billing in my priorities.

making bacon pancaaaakes

Lance forced me to listen to this the other day. It was doom. You're welcome.

My real purpose for blogging today is to extend my conversation from yesterday and talk about recipes. Flinn pointed out how a lot of inexperienced home cooks are afraid to tamper and modify recipes.  When something turns out badly, they blame themselves rather than the recipe.  I used to be a religious follower of recipes, which is good when you're baking--you don't want to tamper too much with proportions--however, I discovered ways that I could fiddle with recipes.  Occasionally, it failed miserably, but that was okay.  I learned from it.

Yesterday, I decided to cook a recipe from Heidi Swanson's Super Natural Every Day, Miso-Curry Delicata Squash.  Problems: I didn't have enough delicata, I didn't have any kale or pepitas, and I strongly dislike cilantro.  So, I added some sweet potato to replace the delicata, stir fry chard to replace the kale, and use almonds and basil instead of pepitas and cilantro.  The result was pretty delicious.

It was startling to think about how something that seems so natural to my way of cooking was once alien--and that it is something that is anxiety-inducing among many.  It's a lot like elements of teaching writing (like revision): we often forget things that are second nature to us, but were once hard and problematic when we were inexperienced.  It's the same for cooking with recipes.

Recipes are like guidelines, but (depending on what the recipe is) there's a lot of ways to adapt.  Once you get a sense of how much you can change (and what flavors go well with each other), you begin to see how recipes are infinitely adaptable.  Wonderful.

And I'll stop now before I start making all sorts of crazy parallels to the teaching of writing, since I've been in read-all-the-papers-and-meet-with-all-the-students land.

cooking books

I've been frequenting the library lately in an attempt to plow through my reading lists (another post for another day).  Being surrounded by books, I inevitably end up browsing and checking out a few home, though I really don't have time to read for fun. (Though I do anyway.)  As I snagged the very interesting Language Matters: A Guide to Everyday Questions about Language (Napoli and Lee-Schoenfeld, 2010), I also grabbed Kathleen Flinn's The Kitchen Counter Cooking School (2011).  And proceeded to neglect reading other things (including my student's work) to rapidly consume it.

Flinn's other book, The Sharper Your Knife, the Less You Cry, is part of my scholarly project on the genre of cooking memoirs, so I was intrigued.  In The Kitchen Counter Cooking School, Flinn decides to find volunteers who feel apprehensive in the kitchen and teach them basic skills.  The experiment begins with a chance encounter with a woman in the grocery store; after giving her a few tips and helping her shop for more wholesome foods (instead of processed foods), the woman left excited and grateful.  Flinn sought out ultimately nine women who shared similar fears about cooking with real ingredients and gave weekly lessons on knife skills and cooking vegetables, chicken, beef/pork, bread, and soup, not to mention what to do with leftovers and how to reduce waste in the kitchen.

I thoroughly enjoyed the book, and it made me think about my own kitchen and habits.  While I don't particularly rely on convenience foods and feel comfortable in the kitchen, I sometimes opt for eating out or boiling a box of macaroni and cheese (it was organic! and on sale!) in lieu of cooking.  Flinn's purpose is not to make her readers feel guilty for the occasional foray into convenience/processed foods, but to point out how these foods are often easy to make with a bit of planning--and that the flavor is usually immeasurably better.

Her volunteers discover the same things.  Flinn visits their houses and has them prepare a meal for her; the majority prepared foods primarily from cans or boxes.  When pressed if they enjoyed the flavor, they invariably shrugged and said not really...it was just easy.  It seemed that the major transformative moment for the volunteers was when they discovered that all the additives and chemicals in processed food actually tasted horrible, and that fresh, real food was far superior.

More importantly, the volunteers lost their fear about the kitchen.  They learned that cooking doesn't have to be overly complicated or difficult--a few simple flavors can turn something simple into something simply delicious.  They learned how to wield their knives to chop vegetables with skill and ease; they learned how to take a whole chicken and break it down. They stopped being afraid to cook with whole ingredients, and discovered the joy that can be found in cooking.

For me, it was a refreshing reminder of how far I've come as a cook, conquering my own fears in the kitchen.  While my own mother wasn't a terrible cook, we far too often relied on processed, flavor-less dishes, so the way I eat now is a far cry from what I grew up eating.  I'm lucky that I managed to figure out how to cook with often "strange" ingredients, that I get a lot of joy out of trying new recipes, and that I'm not afraid to experiment and try new things.  Flinn's book made me realize that my story isn't typical of the majority of American cooks.  Even Flinn herself--a graduate of Le Cordon Bleu--found herself rethinking her approach to cooking and food.

If you're looking for a good read with some good tips for basic, simple cooking (it has some delicious recipes!), check out Flinn's book.  It has inspired me to cook a bit more this week--I have set up a chart on my fridge with the contents in my fridge and some possible recipes to make with those ingredients to try to avoid food waste and to actually use what I have on hand.  More than that, it was a prompt to reflect on my own cooking experiences and seek out the opportunity to continue learning more.

marathon numero dos.

So I went to Wichita (and had this song stuck in my head the whole weekend) to run my second marathon.  We set out early Saturday morning after fueling up with coffee and LBC treats, arrived, checked into the hotel, and found an awesome microbrewery downtown to have (one) beer and eat mac and cheese (with broccoli!).  L didn't come on this trip because he was busy celebrating with friends, so it was me and my two lady runner friends, A and K, and A's husband.

We woke early the next morning. I had slept fitfully, as I do when I'm in new places or slightly anxious (or both), so I got out of bed when the alarm chimed and began to prepare myself for the race. Clothes, muffins (vegan almond quinoa!), a tiny bit of coffee, and then...some waiting. We were a mere 10 minute walk from the race location, so we were able to dodge the porta-potties by walking down shortly before the race started.  It was a chilly start, and we were all in our tank tops, so we huddled together for warmth and moved around a bit to loosen our muscles up for the task ahead.

The Prairie Fire Marathon was smallish--there were around 700 marathoners that day, but over 2,000 half-marathon runners--so the start was all at once.  After the first mile or so of dodging large crowds of people, the field thinned a bit, and we were able to set into a good pace. K took off (we would not see her again until mile 17--she was flying!), but A and I stuck together for most of the race.  

I had thought I would have a similar experience as the Little Rock Marathon, but this was a lot different. For one, the first six miles didn't feel great. I had some mysterious soreness in my hips, and my legs felt a little stiff and heavy.  I wasn't happy. But sometime after mile six, I started feeling great.  I was running a good pace, the weather was lovely, and A and I were running side-by-side, making jokes and cheering each other up.  I started shouting "wooooo!" at the spectators, to be delightfully rewarded by enthusiastic cheers in return.  The middle part of the race breezed by as we picked up our pace.

Around mile 18, A began to pick up her pace, but I couldn't quite keep up. At this point, I hit a bit of a wall. I was tired, sore, a little nauseated.  I couldn't eat any more gels; I drank the gatorade/water, but my stomach didn't really want it.  It was grueling and miserable, and at that moment, I swore I would never run another marathon.

The last half mile, something magical happened.  I slowed (again) to a slight walk, but then I heard "You can do it!" from a fellow runner.  It was someone I had been running with the last chunk of the race, and her encouragement bolstered me--I began running again at a good clip, pulling on the strength I had.  I crossed the finish line in 3:55:56, sobbing slightly from pain, relief, and joy.

Of course, I am going to run another marathon.  The reason these events are so wonderful is the delight of being surrounded by all these people who are striving to accomplish the same goal.  While we run individually, we also run together, and we encourage and hold each other up.  I wish I had thought to thank that woman who encouraged me to keep going--she knew I just needed one more boost to make it that last half mile, and she gave it to me.  I'm lucky that I'm able to be a part of something so amazing and rewarding.

Running a marathon is a little crazy.  And while it hurt a lot at the time, the knowledge that I was able to train for and finish such an endeavor makes me feel like I can do anything.  Not only that, but I also have an incredibly supportive group of friends (runners and non-runners alike) who encourage me and cheer me on.  While I was the one who had to run those 26.2 miles, it's those friends who support me along the way and give me the confidence to tackle any challenge, no matter how crazy.

return from the edge of nowhere

So I sorta dropped off the face of the earth for a while.  We were in full swing with Pancake Week when this tragedy occurred:

Ouch.  Anyway, that combined with an influx of work and running caused me to forget to update this lovely blog.

Oh, how did I break my phone into a million pieces? Well, somehow when I was getting my keys out for my office, it leapt from my bag, hit the railing, and landed three stories below. On rocks (face up).  I peered over the edge and observed as it lit up and thought, well, maybe not so broken.  Oh, broken. Indeed.  However, it actually still functioned, once I wrapped it in a bit of plastic that was formerly index card packaging. After three days, my friend fixed it, and there wasn't even a scratch on the LCD--amazing! (His comment: I've never seen one quite this shattered.)  I figured if this phone could survive a three story fall, I should not replace it until it absolutely dies.  It's like the cat of phones.

The rest of the post will be photographs of what I've been up to (and the remainder of pancake week).

Corn pancakes with guacamole, yogurt, and sriracha

Oatmeal chocolate chip pancakes with yogurt and bananas

Pumpkin Pie Smoothie from Oh She Glows

My first Birchbox!

Using the polish from my Birchbox--Color Club in "Tweet Me"

Pumpkin bread and vanilla bean tea (Mighty Tea, also in my Birchbox) for tea time 

Post-Winslow Half Marathon snack: boiled egg with sriracha. Long live the rooster sauce. 

This week's tea treat: blueberry cranberry bread. YUM.

MOAR pancakes (espresso chocolate)

On Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, I teach at 7:30 am, which requires me to get up at ridiculously early hours if I wish to be alert, caffeinated, fed, and prepared for class.  Earlier if I wish to add running or some other activity to that list.  This morning, I needed to finish reading student work so I could hand it back to them, so I made a pot of coffee, mixed up the ingredients for my pancakes, read student writing for 45 minutes, then woke L up to make today's pancakes.

He didn't even begrudge me the missed hour or so of sleep.

Today's pancakes: chocolate espresso.  I spotted the recipe in my Runner's World, and I think they will be good--in theory. Today's batch didn't taste very chocolately or espresso-y, so they need tweaked.  I'll give you the recipe and let you try it out and decide.  (They have a forum going on pancakes too...with more recipes!)

In a twist of fate (and a slight lack of ingredients), I turned these pancakes into vegan delights.  But you can feel free to substitute back in all the non-vegan ingredients you like.  The main trick was to use flax "eggs" instead of real eggs, which work effectively to bind the ingredients together and still produced a nice pancake.

In terms of filling-ness, these pancakes stuck with me almost until lunch time, so they are winners as far as that goes.  I plan to remake these (perhaps not this week) and up the espresso and chocolate flavor. Suggested adjustments are listed at the bottom of the recipe

Day 2 Pancakes: Chocolate Espresso
(adapted from recipe in the October 2012 issue of Runner's World)
Makes 16 decently sized pancakes.  Serves 8 (2 pancakes is PLENTY, believe me).

• 1 cup white flour
• 1/3 cup cornmeal
• 1/3 cup barley flour (or other whole grain flour)
• 1/3 cup old fashioned oats
• 1/4 cup cocoa powder
• 3-4 tbsp sugar (I completely forgot to add this...oops. It'll be good with it, but wasn't bad without)
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• pinch salt
• 1.5 cups unsweetened vanilla almond milk (with juice of 1/2 a lemon added to curdle. Alternately, buttermilk works)
• 1/4 cup espresso
• 2 flax "eggs" (mix 2 tbsp flax with 6 tbsp warm water. Let sit until it's gooey)

Mix dry ingredients in your batter bowl (what? You still don't have a designated batter bowl?).  Make a well, then add all your wet ingredients.  Add more water/milk if you need to thin it out a bit (or a bit more flour if you need to thicken it).  Cook it on a griddle and gobble it down hastily as you dash out the door for class/work/important appointment/to lie on the couch.

Adjustment ideas:

My main complaint is that these didn't have enough chocolate or espresso flavor. So, I might try doubling the espresso to 1/3-1/2 cup (and reducing the milk to keep liquid levels equal).  I also used instant espresso powder, so I might add some of the powder to the dry mix AND use the liquid.

I forgot the sugar, and I suspect that it might also help the chocolate/espresso flavors pop a bit.

But, more importantly, I see some potential for a chocolate/espresso syrup to top these.  If you didn't want them to have the sheen of healthfulness they have with my hippie flax eggs and my crunchy-granola whole grain flours.  If you feel extra crazy, you might try throwing CHOCOLATE CHIPS (or chopped chocolate) into the batter. Or on top. Or both.  Sometimes you have to live on the edge like that, so you may as well add whipped cream and make them dessert pancakes.  That you maybe went ahead and ate for breakfast because they have whole grains and stuff.

If you want to de-vegan these, simply use buttermilk and eggs in place of the almond milk and flax eggs.

PANCAKE WEEK

I am so excited about pancakes after spending time at L's parents' home, eating delicious pancakes (Swedish pancakes and oatmeal pancakes).  I also got a thrill when I cracked open my newest Runner's World, and there was a whole page full of pancakes.

You know what this means: I plan to eat pancakes. And a lot of them.  All week long.

For you, this means: pancake recipes!  (More pancake recipes, anyway.  Here's a link to all my posts where I've talked about pancakes or given you pancake recipes).

Pancakes are so good.  They are quick (generally), infinitely modifiable, and have the potential for as many add-ins and toppings as you can dream up. And I can dream up some, believe me.  They can also be pretty hearty, meaning that when I'm in a hangry daze because I've been running ridiculous amounts, pancakes will bring me out of zombie/angry mode and back into the land of satiety.

I'll talk about the RW pancakes later (I plan to make some of the recipes, so...), but today, I threw together a batch of pancakes out of what I had on hand.  I had to go buy coffee, and a package of Bob's Red Mill barley flour was lurking in the discount bin--score!--and some overripe bananas, which are always a cheaper way to buy them. Plus, they are perfect for baking with.

I've gotten really good at just throwing things together and emerging with delicious pancakes.  It's problematic, though, because I have a hard time translating that into a usable recipe.  Here's an attempt, though:

(and, sorry...no pics this morning. I was too hangry to think about it)

Banana Barley Pancakes
Makes 8 hearty pancakes, enough for 2.5-3 people of varying appetites.

• 1/2 cup barley flour (or whole wheat or all white, or a mixture that you try)
• 1/2 cup white flour
• ~3 tbsp wheat germ
• ~2 tbsp flax meal
• 2 tbsp brown sugar
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp baking powder
• cinnamon (optional)
• pinch of salt
• 1 egg
• juice of 1/2 a lemon
• almond milk (or buttermilk and no lemon juice)--no idea on the quantity, maybe ~1 cup??
• 1 banana, chopped
• 1/4-1/3 cup walnuts, chopped

In your pancake batter bowl (or a regular one), put your flours, wheat germ, and flax meal in.  (I add things like wheat germ and flax meal to up the nutrient quotient because eating pancakes can otherwise seem like a big ol' sugar/white flour fest.)  Add in sugar, leavening, and cinnamon (and any other spices you might like).

Make a little hollow in the middle of your flour, and put egg; mix briefly.  Add some almond milk and stir, then add the lemon juice.  Continue adding almond milk until your batter is the right thin-ness--not soupy or too liquid, but smooth and pourable.  (There's not really a good way to describe the consistency. It should be relatively thin. Maybe thick like a milkshake that's drinkable with a straw! Yeah!)

Mix in your banana and walnuts, being careful not to stir it up too much (I just use a fork and stir until everything is incorporated).

Using a 1/4 cup measuring cup, scoop batter onto a hot griddle and cook.  Eat with your favorite toppings: mine is yogurt and fruit, L's is sriracha and honey (which I also like. I just like yogurt more).

*********************

Think of this recipe as a playground.  I might post what seems to be my master recipe later in the week, from which you can play (though I'm sure you'll get a sense of it here).

Pancake week, y'all.  It's going to be awesome.